More Travel Destinations Declare: "Tourists Stay Home!"
The anti-tourism movement is now spreading to unexpected places like, er, Narnia and Middle-earth.
In the last few years, overtouristed hotspots such as Amsterdam, Barcelona, and Venice have made headlines by pitching a surprising message: “Tourists stay away!”
But now the anti-overtourism movement is spreading to some surprising places: fantasy realms like Narnia and Middle-earth.
“Tourists have completely ruined Narnia!” said Reepicheep, the formerly dignified talking mouse from that fictional realm, sputtering with outrage over the recent deluge of visitors. “Turkish Delight is now so damn expensive we locals can’t afford it anymore!”
“Yes, yes, you got here because you had a ‘wardrobe malfunction,’” added a surly Mr. Tumnus. “We’ve never heard that one before!”
Overtourism has become a growing problem at all kinds of enchanting fictional locations.
“I really regret creating those damn Golden Tickets,” said Willy Wonka, the proprietor of the Wonka Chocolate Factory, which has lately seen entry wait-times of up to six hours. “Three of those five kids ended up badly deformed, and, yes, Veruca Salt was killed in the incinerator. Everyone still thinks they’re going to be ‘Charlie,’ but guess what? He ate so much chocolate that he died two years later from Type 2 diabetes!”
Ironically, the isolationism and xenophobia in these fictional places is rising just as travel to actual tourist destinations is dramatically lessening — the result of America’s war with Iran, which is causing rapid increases in airfare and making travelers fearful of chaos.
But travel to fantasy realms has remained unimpeded, experts say, because it only happens in your imagination.
Furthermore, people may be retreating to these fictional worlds because the real world is currently so stressful. Searches for the term “happy place” have increased eightfold since the start of the war.
“Oh, grow a pair!” said Elrond, the 6,478-year-old elf-lord who oversees the formerly peaceful sanctuary known as Rivendell, now crowded with gawkers that residents say have trashed the place. “I had to help defeat Sauron — twice! — and you can’t handle a three-hour wait at the airport?
“The more you make Rivendell your ‘happy place,’” he added, “the less happy it is for the people who actually live here.”
Mr. Lundie, one of the residents of the mythical land of Brigadoon, had an even more basic complaint: “Tourists pee everywhere. So much for the heather on the hill!”
Imaginary travel to fantasy realms seems increasingly out of control, but there is one thing that could shift the trend. In the real world, locals have grown aggressive in their protests against overtourism, harassing visitors and even brandishing squirt guns at them.
But the residents of fantasy realms have access to magic.
“I’ve used an animation charm to animate all the suits of armor and statues at Hogwart’s, commanding them to brutally slay any incoming tourists,” said Professor Minerva McGonagall, the deputy headmistress at the fictional wizarding academy.
“Then again,” she added with a smirk, “I’ve always wanted to use that spell.”
HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY
From Brent and Michael
See our previous April’s Fools Day articles:
Council of Fools Declares April Fools’ Day Officially Canceled
“Airbnb Experiences” to Include New Feature: “Airbnb SEXperiences!”
ChatGPT Will Never Take Over Travel Journalism — or Anything Else Either
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Brent Hartinger is a screenwriter and author. Check out my new newsletter about my books and movies at www.BrentHartinger.com. And order my latest book, below.
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