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Michael Young's avatar

What a fun story. You should keep in touch with that Michael guy I reckon. Seems like a good egg.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

I'm seriously thinking about it.

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Annette Laing's avatar

You two were (and are) adorable. Michael must have utterly charmed you to have got you to make that leap.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Thank you!

Yup, exactly.

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Reda Rountree (she/her)'s avatar

I think I’ve read this before and then returned to it, I loved it so much!

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Why thank you! You're very sweet.

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Melissa Joulwan's avatar

This is such a great story. Thank you for sharing!

FWIW, Dave and I met in 1992. He was interviewing me for my first real job after college — one of those 'meet everyone in the editorial department' interviews where they parked me in conference room for the day, and I had half hour meetings with around eight different people. Anyway, when Dave walked it, I felt like I was hit with a lightning bolt. I knew he was my person. Awkward time to fall in love, TBH. We became co-workers and then friends and then life partners. We've been together for 32 years, married for 17. Sometimes you just know, right?

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Wonderful! So happy for you.

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Michael Jensen's avatar

We met at almost the exact same time then. It's kismet! Or karma! Well, something that starts with a "k!"

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Melissa Joulwan's avatar

Kissy! ;-)

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Michael Jensen's avatar

LOL LOL

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Jeffrey Kursonis's avatar

The leis upon arrival was an old thing when ships were the only way to get there and in the earliest years of airplane arrivals. I first went there in 1982 and was also disappointed. But my fellow student passenger had a friend waiting and they gave him a lei. Very cool I at least got to see it.

What you can do is go through a travel agency and pay for a lei greeting. There are many kinds of flowers and combinations for leis, but the classic simple one is plumeria.

There are a fair amount of places there are enough plumeria trees around you can just smell that same aroma in the air. It’s one of my favorite things about Hawaii where I ended up living for seven years.

At my college graduation there, many people congratulated and celebrated us with leis so that they were piling up on our shoulders and all the way up the sides of our heads, almost obscuring our face. It’s one of the great cultural traditions and a highlight of my life.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Good information! And yes, the smell is wonderful, isn't it?

I also like the fragility of leis. I did get one once, when I visited a Hawaiin friend and his mother greeted me with one. A good memory!

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Jeffrey Kursonis's avatar

Oh that's a sweet way to get one, glad you got one...it really is so deeply rooted in their culture, but you have to be a little inside to participate. They call it Ohana, that warm sense of family, and they love to give it to outsiders to welcome them in...it's their heart of hospitality. This is so strong throughout the Pacific Islands. My university in Hawaii, both in Honolulu and Kailua-Kona on the Big Island, had a lot of Pacific Islanders; Samoa, Fiji, Tahiti, Tonga...and they brought such a richness into my 19 year old life.

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kristen (omventure.com)'s avatar

What a story!

Glad this worked out so well for you both.

In my experience, straight single people and married couples definitely have to deal with it, too.

I wish I could take it in stride, but I mostly feel preyed upon.

I think it's because women (in the past; or those of us with older parents) were raised to obey all others. Or else.

And older straight male generations have felt entitled to tell us to do all kinds of things. Or we're treated as vile.

Thank goodness for the whole Me Too movement!

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Indeed! I definitely think there's a male-female dynamic here too: men are taught to say what they want, and women are taught to do what others want. Changing at least though, I think.

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Joe Prince's avatar

This was an extraordinary read and how very handsome you both were and are. Quite the love story! My husband and I met under extremely coincidental circumstances and against all odds - me in Pittsburgh, him in eastern Tennessee - made things work; we both just *knew*. And I think this story proves you both knew, too. Mazel, gents

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Thank you!

Wonderful! And now you're in Virginia...which is sorta kinda halfway, I guess. Ha!

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Amran Gowani's avatar

Those 1992 photos are incredible. What an era.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Haha. So close and yet so far...

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Anna Marie's avatar

What a lovely story. Made my day.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Thank you 🙂

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Patti Petersen's avatar

I loved this read. For one thing I always wonder what happens inside gay relationships, and how romanticizing is handled as compared to hetro couples.

I'm happy you took the leap and that the relationship has lasted for years. Best to you both and many more... ❤️

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Thank you!

Yeah, I'm happy too. I made a good call.

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Patti Petersen's avatar

You certainly did!

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Anne Kadet's avatar

I’m always a big fan of taking things slow. But maybe if it’s really meant to be, it just doesn’t matter!

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

In theory, I agree with you. In practice, not so much! 😂

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Jenn H's avatar

LOL, I had so many of the same reactions to Hawaii! No leis ... "shave" ice ... much of it quite dry, more so than I'd expected, and the Hana highway beautiful (though more crowded than when you saw it). Glad you survived that leap, as your caution about jumping off cliffs into water is warranted, as any spinal-injury center worker will tell you. But the "leap" into the vacation and the relationship worked out marvelously!

(Also LOL at "Matt and Jeff seemed really old. Which means they were probably in their late thirties.")!

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

🙂🙂🙂

I still do love Hawaii. And I didn't need that reminder about spinal injury centers! 😂

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Adam's avatar

I love it when I get a chance to listen to your articles as ready by the author. There’s something about your delivery that instantly calms me and plants a smile firmly on my face. This recollection in particular touched me because I’ve never been to Hawaii, but I’ve been in love for around the same length of time as you. Taking that leap of faith was everything for me, as it clearly was for you, as well. May the 7 (or 15) sisters always be close to your heart.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Why thank you! Often were not sure anyone is listening. 😂😂😂

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Carol Hubbard's avatar

Great story, Brent. 🥰

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Thank you 🙂

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DR Darke's avatar

Those friends who Rock Hudson built the house you stayed in for—were they George "ROBOT MONSTER" Nader and Mark Miller? Because Nader's been pretty open in recent years about being gay and in a lifetime relationship with Miller, and they were close friends of Hudson's and did some work for him as well.

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Refuse to confirm or deny! But, well, I've said enough. LOL

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Laura | Sunhats and Chardonnay's avatar

Thank you so much for sharing. What a wonderful story. There are fewer and fewer of us that can say they have been in a relationship for thirty plus years!

Like many say, travel makes you step out of your comfort zone. If you don't take that leap of faith (pun intended), you could be missing out on so much.

Congratulations!

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Brent Hartinger's avatar

Thank you and you are very welcome!

It is funny sometimes how you see patterns in your own life that you've never seen before.

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