After talking about leaving the USA for years, we took the leap three years ago and moved to rural Portugal with our (then 10, now 13 year old) daughter. My husband is a freelance event producer/video guy. I'm a writer so I can work from anywhere, though I was never fully freelance before moving here because of the astronomical cost of healthcare in the States. We are both lucky that our careers are portable--and that we could stash a nice nest egg away after selling our (very modest but still astronomically expensive) house in San Francisco. Although adjusting to life in the EU has had its rough patches and steep learning curves, we have never once regretted the move--especially as we keep an eye on everything happening in the States.
We are all three thriving in new and unexpected ways, learning to let go of that capitalist urge to constantly Be Productive and just slow down, breathe, and take our time. Everything runs slower here, especially in Portugal (as compared to the northern EU countries). We joke that you can't have an American-size to-do list for your day here. If you get one thing done in a day, that's brilliant. Time to stop and celebrate.
Best of all, our daughter (who attended public school in California and attends public school here in Portugal as well) no longer has nightmares about getting shot at school. She feels safe here, and that alone makes the move worthwhile.
It is appalling, isn't it? Her summer school ran a lockdown drill one day when she was 6. (Six!!!) One of the staff came into her classroom with a Nerf gun and started "shooting" students who were hiding underneath desks and behind curtains. (The school didn't alert parents ahead of time or I would have made sure she was absent that day!) When I picked her up she said, "Today we learned how to hide when the bad man comes with a gun." She had nightmares ever after. Even now, at age 13, her anxiety spikes when we return to the States to visit family. She doesn't want to go into stores or theaters or crowded places for fear of a mass shooting. The infuriating thing is, her fear is not unfounded.
You’ve hit on some great points here. The living spaces being smaller I actually see as a pro though! I’ve learned I don’t need nearly as many things as I thought I needed. Not to mention keeping the house clean and organized is significantly easier! ;) And as you mentioned, the trade off is the public spaces are so much nicer and you spend more time outside of the home, most importantly with other people, therefore feeling more connected.
One important note: there seems to be an exodus of American people—not restricted to the US—flying to Europe lately, notably in Southern countries. Their arrival with increased capital has exacerbated inequalities, squeezing the purchasing power of Europeans already living there. It's crucial to carefully consider where you establish your home, to avoid repeating comparable living crises triggered in Latin America.
We moved to Cuenca, Ecuador, in Feb 2023 on a retirement visa (while still working remotely)—for fitness (no car needed), social, political “detox,” and retirement catch-up reasons. In the U.S., we were barely making it—even on two decent salaries. After selling everything and now being able to invest/save half our income (while living very well), we’ll also benefit from FEIE on this year’s tax return. We’ve made expat AND Ecuadorian friends. And so far, we’ve had 10 (!) family members visit us. Amazing. Like you, we’re very grateful.
I lived in Europe “unintentionally” for four decades after arriving less than a week after graduating high school. I was still half hungover from grad parties when I began my gap year and left with eyes wide open when we moved to Canada and I became an immigrant in the city I grew up in. (We moved so we could be closer to my aging parents.)
A few observations:
- Arriving in Canada was like time travel, especially when looking at hospitality where things seem inefficient and unprofessional compared to Europe.
- As an immigrant, you’ll never be perceived to be a local. After 20 years in Norway, people didn’t introduce me as a “colleague” or “neighbour”. They often felt it necessary to introduce me as “from Canada” even though I had a Norwegian name through my ancestry and learned to speak the language without a detectable accent.
- That said, the same thing happens here. In the city I grew up in, people often introduce us by saying, “they moved here from Europe”. The John Irving quote from “Son of the Circus” is true: “Immigrants are immigrants all their lives.”
- Living abroad for an extended period of time, especially if you’re outside the expat bubble” expands your understanding of life and in my experience that translates to a greater appreciation of diversity, tolerance, and the fact that most people are more alike than they are different. You’ll find all kinds of people everywhere, most of them care about other people, and if you learn to challenge your biases you’ll discover wonderful things about yourself that you otherwise would never know.
Great article, Brent. I encourage everyone that has the opportunity to try to live abroad. Not just Americans to Europe, just everyone to somewhere else! It ain’t always sunshine and rainbows, but in my experience it is the best education you can get!
Love that quote. Somehow I was born an immigant even though I was born in America to American parents. But from very early on, I wanted to live other places desperately.
Thank you. Great observations! Sounds like you've had a rich, interesting life.
I totally agree about having assumptions challenged. It's discombobulating, but usually in a good way. Like you, it has IMPROVED my view of human nature, quite dramatically. People are basically...decent!
Thank you for re-posting this! My partner and I have been traveling full time through the US for the last 5 years and we're ready to go international. We've done 6 months in Mexico and a month in Canada, but we crossed borders with our "house" in tow. This will be different since we won't have a house and we'll be flying and not driving. We're planning to start with Central and South America in 2025. Hopefully, we'll be ready for Europe in 2026. I'm leaning heavily on your experience and advice for this, lol, and I appreciate all that you offer here!
You're very welcome. Michael is very interested in the RV life. I didn't realize it was possible in Mexico, but duh -- of course it is. You liked it there in a RV?
We didn't do the mainland in the RV. Instead we put it in storage in Texas and drove down in our little car and stayed in an AirBnB in Mexico City for 3 months. But we have taken the RV to Baja twice now and loved it. We stayed down there for 3 months last year and basically lived on the beach for next to nothing. There's nothing quite like finishing up a day's work and walking out your door to hop on your SUP and paddle around crystal blue waters, cooking and eating the fish you caught that day and then having your own cozy bed to crawl into at night. Some roads can be rough, but they've improved a lot since the first time we went down. We never feel unsafe, but we also don't stay around border towns and we travel with other RVers most of the time. It's something that I would recommend everyone experience at least once in their lifetime.
I’m also looking at starting in Central & South America, but probably not until 2026/2027. I’m interested in Belize, Costa Rica, Panama, & Colombia (so far).
A great read, as the most often are...the big difference is this time it is relatable. My hubby and I have made the decision of retiring to France. We are living in the US , he is still working, we came from Canada with his work. He has 449 days left...but who's counting? Ok...I'm counting! LOL As it sits know one of the HUGE driving forces, other than the elephant in the room, couch Trump cough, we cannot afford to live here when retired, at least not the way we want to, and Canada is in a VERY similar situation! Thanks for waking me up again!
Yeah, we are comfortable, not rich, but we live so much better in Europe (and even better in Eastern Europe). Which Europeans probably hate to hear, since it's probably driving up their cost of living.
My husband and I moved from the USA to Barcelona last fall, and we also feel it was one of the best decisions of our lives. Sure, Trump was a large impetus to finally push us over the edge, but it's more complicated than that. We were living in Phoenix, and not enjoying the car-centric lifestyle (among many other aspects of life in Phoenix, such as endless stretches of days over 110 degrees F), and had decided to relocate in the USA to a city with a truly urban feel, where we could live car-free, have access to better culture/food/drink/events/activities, but soon realized places like that in the USA were not going to be affordable for us. We talked about moving to San Francisco, but there was no way we could afford it.
My husband suggested one day we move to Barcelona, and initially I didn't even consider that a realistic suggestion, but as time went by, we realized hold on, we could actually do that. We've been here since last November, and sure, it isn't a utopian promised land, but it is pretty damn fantastic. Living car-free has been one of the best lifestyle changes we've made, and we simply could not make that work in the USA. There are definitely challenges to living here, but when we compare those challenges to the life we left behind (people shooting each other dead over arguments about parking spots; 8 year old girls being shot dead in road rage incidents; the vile murders of gay men that the city - and our Democratic mayor - seem totally unconcerned by; people shooting stranger's dogs dead while they're playing fetch in public parks which local law enforcement says was "self defense" so no charges filed, nothing we can do - these things happened just in Phoenix, I'm not even covering the USA as a whole), we'll take the comparatively minor challenges we live with here.
It really comes down to our values, and feeling totally out of sync with the prevailing way of thinking in the USA. I mean.... it was not uncommon to see people in Phoenix wearing t-shirts that said "Fuck your feelings", and while nobody minded that, somehow it's the drag queens and the trans people who are destroying society. So frustrating to live with that day in and out. We are both at, ahem, a middle age let's just say, and felt like we couldn't wait around for things to improve in the USA, and it was time to go. But it's a very personal decision and I wouldn't make a blanket statement telling everyone I know back in the USA to move here, as everyone has their own unique circumstances to account for (the fact we are child-free made this a lot, lot, LOT easier to do).... though I wouldn't discourage them from doing it either!
Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, we have a lot in common.
I agree that this is all very personal and individual. Many of our friends say, "I could never do that." And I think they're right!
But I also reject the idea that things are the same the world over. It's not true! Different cities and countries express (wildly) different values, and there's no reason whatsoever people should choose places that reflect their values. People have been doing that forever.
I remain flabbergasted by America, I really do. I keep thinking the fever will break, but it never does. Things just keep getting crazier and crazier. Yeah, for my own sanity, I needed to go, and I'm glad I did.
As a Malaysian, I’ve heard the lament “Malaysia no hope already, better to move overseas” all my life. I have relatives who have made that move, most to Australia or United States. Heck, I myself moved to Australia for a few years, though not to migrate, but because “my life sucks so let’s move abroad to find myself”. Unlike most of my relatives, however, I moved back to Malaysia. A move many find incomprehensible because it was generally perceived that life is better abroad.
So it's really interesting to hear this now from Americans now. Peronally, I don't think america is as hopeless as so many people make it out to be but okay, i have to admit the politics seem dire, but speaking as someone who comes from a country whose politics was deemed corrupt and beyond salvegable, whose democratically-elected govt was ousted by a coup during the pandemic, and yet manage to elect a PM who has been a political prisoner for decades ... eh miracles, can happen.
I just have a feeling that all that hugely negative noise from your media is affecting your perception of your country. TBH, American media is awfully toxic, so much so that sometimes I'm relieved that my country's media is more, er controlled.
Anyway, about Malaysia, the reasons for this perception is many, but boils down to the societal pressures minorities face in Malaysia. (That would take too long to explain in this Note, but a future Substack beckons.)
But for me, the quality of life is better in Malaysia. It’s in Malaysia that I could get debt free, be agile with my career and now have a career in tech, and live a life with rich access to culture and fly to anywhere in Asia cheaply.
Australia is great, but it didn’t suit me in the long run. I found it stifling to my career as my experience wasn’t valued there, and it would be tough to “proove” myself to the right people to get anywhere quickly.
But most importantly, in Malaysia I could be with my family and i realise that i needed to be close to them more than I realised.
Interesting perspective on why Malaysia works better for you. And if we've learned anything over the past seven years, most every country/government has its pros and cons.
I will, however, have to respectfully disagree about the media being why we feel the way we do about the U.S. There are many wonderful qualities about America, but having grown up and lived in it for most of my adult life, my perspectives are based on my experiences and the changes I have actually seen happen in my lifetime.
Definitely that my case isn't applicable for all. Likewise with you. I think whether an individual will find a move abroad is, well, a very individual thing. Therefore, your situation is legit for you.
Oh, I think you're right! Our media are very toxic these days. For us (poor writers), living in America simply became too expensive, especially living in REALLY expensive Seattle (our income did not go up, we did not benefit from the local boomtimes). Plus, we are very lucky that our income, despite being "low" in America, is "high" in most of the rest of the world -- we've very privledged.
But I can absolutely see your point, and it absolutely depends on multiple factors. Truly!
Speaking of media being toxic, and this is something I've observed - and since you're a writer and have written screenplays etc. I seem to get the impression that there are very few dramas with a "positive vibe". For example, I don't see many sweet romance or slice of life dramas depicting travel or small-town living, which are very popular in Asia. On the whole, is it my imagination, or has entertainment media gotten darker over the years? Do correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what I've noticed as I don't remember dramas depicting a more positive outlook these days.
That is a complicated question, and could probably a whole essay in itself. I think there IS a lot of that programming in America, but it is not considered "cool," and it is not at all critically acclaimed. So it ends up on places like the Hallmark Channel and on religious channels (and, frankly, it's often low quality). I think mainstream/liberal entertainment got very dark for a while in the 00s and teens, but I think there's a hunger for lighter stuff, and I think we'll see more of it in the decade to come. There's always a lag, but I think that's the direction we're heading.
(Truthfully? The "dark" stuff is a real pet peeve of mine, and the cynical stuff annoys me ever more. I don't want my programming telling me it's all hopeless and people are all assholes!)
I hope the trend comes soon! The reason I asked this was because this was what fans of Chinese dramas who used to watch lots of Hollywood dramas said - that Hollywood tv has gotten very dark lately. That got me thinking. Thanks for answering btw. I guess there are slice of life dramas but I guess they are not considered cool
To say that Spain has a far right government is simply, and actually grossly, incorrect.(Sorry! But that's true.) The prime minister, who is head of Spain's government, (Pedro Sánchez) has been Prime Minister of Spain since June 2018. He is a democratic socialist. He has also been Secretary-General of the Spanish Socialist Workers' Party (PSOE) since June 2017, and was elected President of the Socialist International in November 2022. In the most recent election, the left lost seats overall in the government, but the *hard* right party, Vox, lost the most seats of all, in a huge defeat for them. The center-right (not hard right) party, the PP, did gain a lot of seats in the legislative body, and Sanchez's left wing coalition government may not survive in future years, but they remain in power in the legislature in coalition with the quite leftist Catalan party.
Also, even the PP is not looking to privatize health-care, legalize guns, put religion back in schools, make abortion illegal, do away with gay marriage, or change the government’s population growth strategy, which is very heavily keyed to immigration. (The Euro zone sets targets for population growth; Spain's strategy to meet it has depended upon immigration for years, and continues to do so.)
oh, no, thanks for correcting me! That was based on one conversation with a Spaniard, which I probably misinterpreted, and should have confirmed anyway. Thank you for chiming in!
It's been a legislature dominated by the left for so long, with the recent populist swing, he or she may fear that Spain is headed right. Also, the right DID do well in local elections, which are held before the nationals. (That may have been what they were talking about.) Vox felt like they were doing so well that they'd crush it nationally, so they started making it very clear what their plans were, in TV, on posters, in editorials, etc. It apparently terrified the electorate with people basically saying they were tired of the social democrats, but they didn't want what Vox was planning, so in the federal elections, Vox was largely thrown out of office.
I can vouch for a lot of what is said about Europe here. However, the education systems vary greatly in Europe. Personally, I thought Canada’s education system was better than Belgian’s and way better than Spain’s. I Canada there was a lot more freedom to choose different subjects and electives, depending on what you’re good at. They don’t look down on kids who want to go into trades and encourage it through electives. They also make it easy to take your kids from school for a month or more to travel. In Spain and Belgium, all this is almost unheard of.
Interesting! Michael went to school in Australia for a bit, and he's talked about how study of trades was encouraged at a young age. In America, that's supposedly anti-democratic, because you're not supposed to make that kind of choice so early. But I can see the benefit.
I think about it every day, but after looking for a remote job for the last 2 years I’ve decided the stress is too much and I need to have a different plan. So now I’m focused on working 2-3 more years here in the PNW, then retire & travel - and find opportunities to work or volunteer where ever I chose to be. I love America but it’s just too dysfunctional and stupid, it’s exhausting.
Yeah, I spent a couple of days on the phone with various government agencies when I went back to Ireland, and it’s one of the toughest. I barely miss the cut-off for ancestry. The only option for me as a self-employed writer would be the retirement visa, but…my writing would probably count as work? Ugh. Next possible option is to just….somehow make 250K Euro and donate it through Portugal’s program 🤪
A nice piece of writing and lots of important points are made. With the pending election, it might get quite a few more reads. I've lived with family in Europe since 2009, having left to assure healthcare for an adult disabled child (this was pre-ACA, but even so). The key statement to me is where you write "This area of the world, especially Western Europe, is much more in sync with our personal values and priorities than the United States." My wife and I have often said very similar things to each other over the past fifteen years.
Thanks, John. I find that very typical: you left America because you have a disabled child. Something is very wrong in the U.S. these days, and healthcare is a bellweather.
I'm cautiously optimistic about the election though. We shall see!
The election is one thing, but the culture that has made healthcare in the US the mess it has become--a very costly privilege, rather than a right--won't be changed fundamentally by the election. It's that point you made about values being in sync, i.e., being reflected in social expectations of the role of government and in the realisation of public policy, that makes the difference.
I like to think that the election will favour democracy, but either way my expectations are rather low.
It's not until you are out of the States and looking back that you see how much we were "sold" on the hustle and grind culture. I moved to Portugal three and a half years ago, and, even though I struggle with Portuguese, I feel at home in my village. I work as a ghostwriter and book coach so I can work from anywhere. I pay for private health insurance (around 220 euros a month) and have a cool electric scooter, no car. It's not just a more laid back lifestyle; it's more a matter of people having different priorities: family, friends, enjoying the day. Yes, work is important, but it's not the be-all, end-all identity it is in the States. I love the US, but I feel safer and more content here. Cheers!
Yes, that is very very much our experience as well. Completely different priorities! It's not all about work, and it's definitely not all about things and "lots of space," the way it is in the U.S.
After talking about leaving the USA for years, we took the leap three years ago and moved to rural Portugal with our (then 10, now 13 year old) daughter. My husband is a freelance event producer/video guy. I'm a writer so I can work from anywhere, though I was never fully freelance before moving here because of the astronomical cost of healthcare in the States. We are both lucky that our careers are portable--and that we could stash a nice nest egg away after selling our (very modest but still astronomically expensive) house in San Francisco. Although adjusting to life in the EU has had its rough patches and steep learning curves, we have never once regretted the move--especially as we keep an eye on everything happening in the States.
We are all three thriving in new and unexpected ways, learning to let go of that capitalist urge to constantly Be Productive and just slow down, breathe, and take our time. Everything runs slower here, especially in Portugal (as compared to the northern EU countries). We joke that you can't have an American-size to-do list for your day here. If you get one thing done in a day, that's brilliant. Time to stop and celebrate.
Best of all, our daughter (who attended public school in California and attends public school here in Portugal as well) no longer has nightmares about getting shot at school. She feels safe here, and that alone makes the move worthwhile.
Fantastic! How wonderful. Publics school, huh? That's really great.
Yeah, I've never once regretted our move either. On the contrary, I imagine how close we came to NOT doing it, and that scares me.
"If you get one thing done in a day, that's brilliant. Time to stop and celebrate." Ha! I love that.
Regarding your daughter's nightmares, what an appalling commentary on America...
It is appalling, isn't it? Her summer school ran a lockdown drill one day when she was 6. (Six!!!) One of the staff came into her classroom with a Nerf gun and started "shooting" students who were hiding underneath desks and behind curtains. (The school didn't alert parents ahead of time or I would have made sure she was absent that day!) When I picked her up she said, "Today we learned how to hide when the bad man comes with a gun." She had nightmares ever after. Even now, at age 13, her anxiety spikes when we return to the States to visit family. She doesn't want to go into stores or theaters or crowded places for fear of a mass shooting. The infuriating thing is, her fear is not unfounded.
Infuriating, indeed!
That "drill" is just nuts. "How to provide PTSD in one easy lesson!"
I'm surprised the school wasn't sued (unless it was!).
You’ve hit on some great points here. The living spaces being smaller I actually see as a pro though! I’ve learned I don’t need nearly as many things as I thought I needed. Not to mention keeping the house clean and organized is significantly easier! ;) And as you mentioned, the trade off is the public spaces are so much nicer and you spend more time outside of the home, most importantly with other people, therefore feeling more connected.
We love not having the ability to have a bunch of stuff!
Thank you. Yes, it turns out we much prefer smaller spaces too, and we absolutely prefer more human contact.
One important note: there seems to be an exodus of American people—not restricted to the US—flying to Europe lately, notably in Southern countries. Their arrival with increased capital has exacerbated inequalities, squeezing the purchasing power of Europeans already living there. It's crucial to carefully consider where you establish your home, to avoid repeating comparable living crises triggered in Latin America.
it's a fair point. Thanks for adding it.
Agree!
We moved to Cuenca, Ecuador, in Feb 2023 on a retirement visa (while still working remotely)—for fitness (no car needed), social, political “detox,” and retirement catch-up reasons. In the U.S., we were barely making it—even on two decent salaries. After selling everything and now being able to invest/save half our income (while living very well), we’ll also benefit from FEIE on this year’s tax return. We’ve made expat AND Ecuadorian friends. And so far, we’ve had 10 (!) family members visit us. Amazing. Like you, we’re very grateful.
It is a great life hack for certain Americans, isn't it? We're very lucky.
I lived in Europe “unintentionally” for four decades after arriving less than a week after graduating high school. I was still half hungover from grad parties when I began my gap year and left with eyes wide open when we moved to Canada and I became an immigrant in the city I grew up in. (We moved so we could be closer to my aging parents.)
A few observations:
- Arriving in Canada was like time travel, especially when looking at hospitality where things seem inefficient and unprofessional compared to Europe.
- As an immigrant, you’ll never be perceived to be a local. After 20 years in Norway, people didn’t introduce me as a “colleague” or “neighbour”. They often felt it necessary to introduce me as “from Canada” even though I had a Norwegian name through my ancestry and learned to speak the language without a detectable accent.
- That said, the same thing happens here. In the city I grew up in, people often introduce us by saying, “they moved here from Europe”. The John Irving quote from “Son of the Circus” is true: “Immigrants are immigrants all their lives.”
- Living abroad for an extended period of time, especially if you’re outside the expat bubble” expands your understanding of life and in my experience that translates to a greater appreciation of diversity, tolerance, and the fact that most people are more alike than they are different. You’ll find all kinds of people everywhere, most of them care about other people, and if you learn to challenge your biases you’ll discover wonderful things about yourself that you otherwise would never know.
Great article, Brent. I encourage everyone that has the opportunity to try to live abroad. Not just Americans to Europe, just everyone to somewhere else! It ain’t always sunshine and rainbows, but in my experience it is the best education you can get!
“Immigrants are immigrants all their lives.”
Love that quote. Somehow I was born an immigant even though I was born in America to American parents. But from very early on, I wanted to live other places desperately.
Thank you. Great observations! Sounds like you've had a rich, interesting life.
I totally agree about having assumptions challenged. It's discombobulating, but usually in a good way. Like you, it has IMPROVED my view of human nature, quite dramatically. People are basically...decent!
Thank you for re-posting this! My partner and I have been traveling full time through the US for the last 5 years and we're ready to go international. We've done 6 months in Mexico and a month in Canada, but we crossed borders with our "house" in tow. This will be different since we won't have a house and we'll be flying and not driving. We're planning to start with Central and South America in 2025. Hopefully, we'll be ready for Europe in 2026. I'm leaning heavily on your experience and advice for this, lol, and I appreciate all that you offer here!
You're very welcome. Michael is very interested in the RV life. I didn't realize it was possible in Mexico, but duh -- of course it is. You liked it there in a RV?
We didn't do the mainland in the RV. Instead we put it in storage in Texas and drove down in our little car and stayed in an AirBnB in Mexico City for 3 months. But we have taken the RV to Baja twice now and loved it. We stayed down there for 3 months last year and basically lived on the beach for next to nothing. There's nothing quite like finishing up a day's work and walking out your door to hop on your SUP and paddle around crystal blue waters, cooking and eating the fish you caught that day and then having your own cozy bed to crawl into at night. Some roads can be rough, but they've improved a lot since the first time we went down. We never feel unsafe, but we also don't stay around border towns and we travel with other RVers most of the time. It's something that I would recommend everyone experience at least once in their lifetime.
Fantastic. You[re living the life!
God, I loved Mexico City. What an amazing place!
It is! I would live there if it weren't for the smog, insane traffic and impending earthquake, lol.
That sounds wonderful!
I’m also looking at starting in Central & South America, but probably not until 2026/2027. I’m interested in Belize, Costa Rica, Panama, & Colombia (so far).
So am I. I'm looking to move in the next 18 months.
A great read, as the most often are...the big difference is this time it is relatable. My hubby and I have made the decision of retiring to France. We are living in the US , he is still working, we came from Canada with his work. He has 449 days left...but who's counting? Ok...I'm counting! LOL As it sits know one of the HUGE driving forces, other than the elephant in the room, couch Trump cough, we cannot afford to live here when retired, at least not the way we want to, and Canada is in a VERY similar situation! Thanks for waking me up again!
Thank YOU.
Yeah, we are comfortable, not rich, but we live so much better in Europe (and even better in Eastern Europe). Which Europeans probably hate to hear, since it's probably driving up their cost of living.
Good luck with the planning!
My husband and I moved from the USA to Barcelona last fall, and we also feel it was one of the best decisions of our lives. Sure, Trump was a large impetus to finally push us over the edge, but it's more complicated than that. We were living in Phoenix, and not enjoying the car-centric lifestyle (among many other aspects of life in Phoenix, such as endless stretches of days over 110 degrees F), and had decided to relocate in the USA to a city with a truly urban feel, where we could live car-free, have access to better culture/food/drink/events/activities, but soon realized places like that in the USA were not going to be affordable for us. We talked about moving to San Francisco, but there was no way we could afford it.
My husband suggested one day we move to Barcelona, and initially I didn't even consider that a realistic suggestion, but as time went by, we realized hold on, we could actually do that. We've been here since last November, and sure, it isn't a utopian promised land, but it is pretty damn fantastic. Living car-free has been one of the best lifestyle changes we've made, and we simply could not make that work in the USA. There are definitely challenges to living here, but when we compare those challenges to the life we left behind (people shooting each other dead over arguments about parking spots; 8 year old girls being shot dead in road rage incidents; the vile murders of gay men that the city - and our Democratic mayor - seem totally unconcerned by; people shooting stranger's dogs dead while they're playing fetch in public parks which local law enforcement says was "self defense" so no charges filed, nothing we can do - these things happened just in Phoenix, I'm not even covering the USA as a whole), we'll take the comparatively minor challenges we live with here.
It really comes down to our values, and feeling totally out of sync with the prevailing way of thinking in the USA. I mean.... it was not uncommon to see people in Phoenix wearing t-shirts that said "Fuck your feelings", and while nobody minded that, somehow it's the drag queens and the trans people who are destroying society. So frustrating to live with that day in and out. We are both at, ahem, a middle age let's just say, and felt like we couldn't wait around for things to improve in the USA, and it was time to go. But it's a very personal decision and I wouldn't make a blanket statement telling everyone I know back in the USA to move here, as everyone has their own unique circumstances to account for (the fact we are child-free made this a lot, lot, LOT easier to do).... though I wouldn't discourage them from doing it either!
Thank you for sharing your story. Yes, we have a lot in common.
I agree that this is all very personal and individual. Many of our friends say, "I could never do that." And I think they're right!
But I also reject the idea that things are the same the world over. It's not true! Different cities and countries express (wildly) different values, and there's no reason whatsoever people should choose places that reflect their values. People have been doing that forever.
I remain flabbergasted by America, I really do. I keep thinking the fever will break, but it never does. Things just keep getting crazier and crazier. Yeah, for my own sanity, I needed to go, and I'm glad I did.
As a Malaysian, I’ve heard the lament “Malaysia no hope already, better to move overseas” all my life. I have relatives who have made that move, most to Australia or United States. Heck, I myself moved to Australia for a few years, though not to migrate, but because “my life sucks so let’s move abroad to find myself”. Unlike most of my relatives, however, I moved back to Malaysia. A move many find incomprehensible because it was generally perceived that life is better abroad.
So it's really interesting to hear this now from Americans now. Peronally, I don't think america is as hopeless as so many people make it out to be but okay, i have to admit the politics seem dire, but speaking as someone who comes from a country whose politics was deemed corrupt and beyond salvegable, whose democratically-elected govt was ousted by a coup during the pandemic, and yet manage to elect a PM who has been a political prisoner for decades ... eh miracles, can happen.
I just have a feeling that all that hugely negative noise from your media is affecting your perception of your country. TBH, American media is awfully toxic, so much so that sometimes I'm relieved that my country's media is more, er controlled.
Anyway, about Malaysia, the reasons for this perception is many, but boils down to the societal pressures minorities face in Malaysia. (That would take too long to explain in this Note, but a future Substack beckons.)
But for me, the quality of life is better in Malaysia. It’s in Malaysia that I could get debt free, be agile with my career and now have a career in tech, and live a life with rich access to culture and fly to anywhere in Asia cheaply.
Australia is great, but it didn’t suit me in the long run. I found it stifling to my career as my experience wasn’t valued there, and it would be tough to “proove” myself to the right people to get anywhere quickly.
But most importantly, in Malaysia I could be with my family and i realise that i needed to be close to them more than I realised.
Interesting perspective on why Malaysia works better for you. And if we've learned anything over the past seven years, most every country/government has its pros and cons.
I will, however, have to respectfully disagree about the media being why we feel the way we do about the U.S. There are many wonderful qualities about America, but having grown up and lived in it for most of my adult life, my perspectives are based on my experiences and the changes I have actually seen happen in my lifetime.
Definitely that my case isn't applicable for all. Likewise with you. I think whether an individual will find a move abroad is, well, a very individual thing. Therefore, your situation is legit for you.
Oh, I think you're right! Our media are very toxic these days. For us (poor writers), living in America simply became too expensive, especially living in REALLY expensive Seattle (our income did not go up, we did not benefit from the local boomtimes). Plus, we are very lucky that our income, despite being "low" in America, is "high" in most of the rest of the world -- we've very privledged.
But I can absolutely see your point, and it absolutely depends on multiple factors. Truly!
Speaking of media being toxic, and this is something I've observed - and since you're a writer and have written screenplays etc. I seem to get the impression that there are very few dramas with a "positive vibe". For example, I don't see many sweet romance or slice of life dramas depicting travel or small-town living, which are very popular in Asia. On the whole, is it my imagination, or has entertainment media gotten darker over the years? Do correct me if I'm wrong, but that's what I've noticed as I don't remember dramas depicting a more positive outlook these days.
That is a complicated question, and could probably a whole essay in itself. I think there IS a lot of that programming in America, but it is not considered "cool," and it is not at all critically acclaimed. So it ends up on places like the Hallmark Channel and on religious channels (and, frankly, it's often low quality). I think mainstream/liberal entertainment got very dark for a while in the 00s and teens, but I think there's a hunger for lighter stuff, and I think we'll see more of it in the decade to come. There's always a lag, but I think that's the direction we're heading.
(Truthfully? The "dark" stuff is a real pet peeve of mine, and the cynical stuff annoys me ever more. I don't want my programming telling me it's all hopeless and people are all assholes!)
I hope the trend comes soon! The reason I asked this was because this was what fans of Chinese dramas who used to watch lots of Hollywood dramas said - that Hollywood tv has gotten very dark lately. That got me thinking. Thanks for answering btw. I guess there are slice of life dramas but I guess they are not considered cool
To say that Spain has a far right government is simply, and actually grossly, incorrect.(Sorry! But that's true.) The prime minister, who is head of Spain's government, (Pedro Sánchez) has been Prime Minister of Spain since June 2018. He is a democratic socialist. He has also been Secretary-General of the Spanish Socialist Workers' Party (PSOE) since June 2017, and was elected President of the Socialist International in November 2022. In the most recent election, the left lost seats overall in the government, but the *hard* right party, Vox, lost the most seats of all, in a huge defeat for them. The center-right (not hard right) party, the PP, did gain a lot of seats in the legislative body, and Sanchez's left wing coalition government may not survive in future years, but they remain in power in the legislature in coalition with the quite leftist Catalan party.
Also, even the PP is not looking to privatize health-care, legalize guns, put religion back in schools, make abortion illegal, do away with gay marriage, or change the government’s population growth strategy, which is very heavily keyed to immigration. (The Euro zone sets targets for population growth; Spain's strategy to meet it has depended upon immigration for years, and continues to do so.)
I could go on.
oh, no, thanks for correcting me! That was based on one conversation with a Spaniard, which I probably misinterpreted, and should have confirmed anyway. Thank you for chiming in!
It's been a legislature dominated by the left for so long, with the recent populist swing, he or she may fear that Spain is headed right. Also, the right DID do well in local elections, which are held before the nationals. (That may have been what they were talking about.) Vox felt like they were doing so well that they'd crush it nationally, so they started making it very clear what their plans were, in TV, on posters, in editorials, etc. It apparently terrified the electorate with people basically saying they were tired of the social democrats, but they didn't want what Vox was planning, so in the federal elections, Vox was largely thrown out of office.
All makes sense. Lesson: Don't write about foreign politics, especially in countries where you don't really speak the language! LOL
You make me miss Europe! But I’m pretty content living in (Southeast) Asia too!
Well, I'm in Europe, and I'm currently missing Southeast Asia! LOL
Another amazing part of the world!
I can vouch for a lot of what is said about Europe here. However, the education systems vary greatly in Europe. Personally, I thought Canada’s education system was better than Belgian’s and way better than Spain’s. I Canada there was a lot more freedom to choose different subjects and electives, depending on what you’re good at. They don’t look down on kids who want to go into trades and encourage it through electives. They also make it easy to take your kids from school for a month or more to travel. In Spain and Belgium, all this is almost unheard of.
Interesting! Michael went to school in Australia for a bit, and he's talked about how study of trades was encouraged at a young age. In America, that's supposedly anti-democratic, because you're not supposed to make that kind of choice so early. But I can see the benefit.
I think about it every day, but after looking for a remote job for the last 2 years I’ve decided the stress is too much and I need to have a different plan. So now I’m focused on working 2-3 more years here in the PNW, then retire & travel - and find opportunities to work or volunteer where ever I chose to be. I love America but it’s just too dysfunctional and stupid, it’s exhausting.
My number one fear these days -- other than one of us getting seriously ill -- is being forced to return to America.
Sounds like a good plan, yes. There is much to be said for American incomes!
(America is exhausting, isn't it? Oh my oh my.)
Yeah, I spent a couple of days on the phone with various government agencies when I went back to Ireland, and it’s one of the toughest. I barely miss the cut-off for ancestry. The only option for me as a self-employed writer would be the retirement visa, but…my writing would probably count as work? Ugh. Next possible option is to just….somehow make 250K Euro and donate it through Portugal’s program 🤪
Well, there IS always the handsome Christmas prince option. LOL
Yeah, I'm bummed neither of us the right ancestry either. Grrrr.
A nice piece of writing and lots of important points are made. With the pending election, it might get quite a few more reads. I've lived with family in Europe since 2009, having left to assure healthcare for an adult disabled child (this was pre-ACA, but even so). The key statement to me is where you write "This area of the world, especially Western Europe, is much more in sync with our personal values and priorities than the United States." My wife and I have often said very similar things to each other over the past fifteen years.
Thanks, John. I find that very typical: you left America because you have a disabled child. Something is very wrong in the U.S. these days, and healthcare is a bellweather.
I'm cautiously optimistic about the election though. We shall see!
Hi Brent,
The election is one thing, but the culture that has made healthcare in the US the mess it has become--a very costly privilege, rather than a right--won't be changed fundamentally by the election. It's that point you made about values being in sync, i.e., being reflected in social expectations of the role of government and in the realisation of public policy, that makes the difference.
I like to think that the election will favour democracy, but either way my expectations are rather low.
It's not until you are out of the States and looking back that you see how much we were "sold" on the hustle and grind culture. I moved to Portugal three and a half years ago, and, even though I struggle with Portuguese, I feel at home in my village. I work as a ghostwriter and book coach so I can work from anywhere. I pay for private health insurance (around 220 euros a month) and have a cool electric scooter, no car. It's not just a more laid back lifestyle; it's more a matter of people having different priorities: family, friends, enjoying the day. Yes, work is important, but it's not the be-all, end-all identity it is in the States. I love the US, but I feel safer and more content here. Cheers!
Yes, that is very very much our experience as well. Completely different priorities! It's not all about work, and it's definitely not all about things and "lots of space," the way it is in the U.S.
Glad it's working out for you! Great to hear.