In about 30 days I will celebrate my 72nd birthday. If I read your blog when I was ready to hit age 60 I might be a bit despondent right now, maybe seeking out a country where they have legal euthanasia. After all, we all WANT control of our lives, so why shouldn’t we be in control of our deaths?
As it is, I am glad to be celebrating #72, primarily because many of my friends I graduated with cannot do that. As a matter of fact, many friends who were much younger—as much as a decade younger—can’t blow out any more candles either. We’ve not been doing this nomad thing for a decade, but just seven years this past February. Some of the things you mention, ie, slowing down, looking for a “final spot,” and such, are conversations I’ve had with my lovely. Who is 18 months, to the day, older than me. We both live in gratitude for the health we DO have and count our good fortune regularly. 43 countries, all continents but one is nothing to sneeze at! But we talk about death, in real terms, occasionally. We carry no health insurance, take care of things as they come, and what we’ve spent is a fraction of what premiums would cost. Our Medicare is there, but a joke, and she has needed a paramedic ride twice, neither of which was fatal, though scary. On a chairlift in Romania we were up towards the top, and one of us said, “you know, if one of us had a heart attack here, we’d be screwed.” Paramedic and insurance be damned; when it’s you/ our/ my time, our ticker will run out.
Last week we had a very real reality check when my BP crashed after a lengthy hike the day before and several days of being dehydrated. I had no idea THEN what happened, but I do now, since we’ve both been digging in (thank you AI), and understand the critical significance of potassium, magnesium, and sodium in keeping our hydration in order. Especially where we are--in Vietnam. She came THIS close to calling for an ambulance, and she went to the Dark Side and thought: heart attack, TIA, or stroke, and “what if?”
What if, indeed.
Some coconut and orange juice, some rest, and later, electrolytes and magnesium got me back on my feet, but I’ve had just one gym workout since then, check my BP several times a day, do a feet elevation thing every afternoon, and even though I’ll not celebrate #72 after a two hour climb at the top of some God forsaken peak, I will celebrate with no fanfare, just a lot of thanks.
So, if you’re looking for a “death spot,” more power to you. We have ZERO plans/ intentions to return to the US, and I have no kids, no parents, and aside from some cousins, no one close to me blood wise. But we have each other. Which one of us “goes” first is in God’s hands, and hopefully the survivor will deal with it in a healthy way. I’m sure you count YOUR blessings that you have each other, as you should. Yes, we have and are slowed down, and plan to stay in Da Nang at least six months, and probably focus on SE Asia as being OUR final resting spot, though I do intend to go to Albania occasionally, since I did love it. Our quickie 2 weeks in Japan next week MAY be our last short time/ long distance jaunt, but we’ll play it by ear.
So any or all of you who may read this, just eat well, get rested, and enjoy each day. When the shit hits the fan, I know (for me) it’ll take me to a kind, gentle place, and the world will rock on without me.
First off I’m glad you recovered so quickly from that incident and that you’ve got someone you love by your side. Secondly, glad you’ve found your pace and places you feel at peace in. Keep traveling (slowly!) safely!
Oh yeah. I’m 72 presently in process of arranging a move to Portugal . If everything unfolds well enough ( not without struggle of course), i should be there by September. I have become accustomed to taking on health concerns, and my friends sometimes call me the bionic woman. i have seen the great miracle of being supported by friends . The reality is that no matter where we are , the matrix does change as we age. For example, I’m single and childless(by choice) and friends around me are often engaged in their own lives in a way very different than how i lead my own . Their lives may be filled with grandchildren activities that take up a space previously open. . Or , our lives get filled up with health appts that are really annoying . Deciding on how i best want to live is a challenge that brings along issues previously unrealized. For e xample, cobblestone and hills are more of consideration than ever before. Some of those issues are simply to be grieved but accepted, and then on to the task of reconfiguring how to keep on engaging . For me, being in the USA has become too painful . The level of aggression, violence, and seeming
escalation of value differences with the government and national culture have taken a toll on my body in a way that leaves little room for joy or peace. Through all of this, i am evermore convinced that the universe generally steps up to support us in ways we can’t always predict .
As for me , I choose to go toward peace, and leave the fight to others who may have more energy or need to prepare for future generations. I’m going to take advantage of other lands who have figured out how to live differently than we do here. A gentler cocoon to surround me . Plus, it’s easier to access travel and variety in places that offer cheaper transportation options. And, as my mother once told me , good friends are everywhere, they’re just in different bodies. I look forward to hearing about your journey.
Congratulations, Linda. Portugal!! I absolutely agree about the cobblestones and uneven walks. Some towns in Asia, like Ubud, had horrible streets, and it was SO easy to twist or turn your ankle. And steps? The coffee shops here in Hanoi have almost spiral stairs with steps barely as long as your feet! It would be easy to miss one and unfortunately, all it takes is ONE slip to mess up your plans. A fellow nomad we met a few weeks ago had that very thing happen, twisted her ankle, the day she trained to a new city. I walk very slowly these days and as much as Kat used to chide me to look UP, not down, I watch my feet and where I’m going.
The Universe DOES take care of us—if we listen and allow it. Your decision to do what you’re doing probably did not get approval of all your friends, but so what? It’s your life and not theirs. Many times people poo-poo our lifestyle out of jealousy. They wish they had the chutzpah to do it. As for the rest of your story, I am totally on board.
Norm, HAPPY 72 when it comes! I sense you are grateful and that to me seems like EVERYTHING. I'm glad you're taking the gamble on old age rather than the 'guarantee' of euthanasia. You have Bravery and/or JOY...and I find it inspiring!
you know, Frank, we don't really have much choice in life. The minutes, days, months, and years pass MUCH faster than we ever thought, until eventually we ask, "where DID the time go?" I think I have more Joy than Brave, but thanks for the vote of confidence!
I am the same age as you, although I am turning 63 tomorrow. My mother was 63 when she died in 1987.
And although our day-to-day lives are quite different, Bill and I are not nomads, I share many of your same concerns.
We moved to Delaware a year ago knowing very few people. We have started to build a community of friends here but most of them are our age or older.
We do not have children, our families are either nonfunctional or spread all over the country. Were we to need an extended community for much of anything, we would be out of luck.
I honestly don’t know what the answer is. I share your concerns about the future of this country. We moved to Delaware precisely because it has been a reliably blue state for many decades and we figured that if rights were going to be eroded, it would take more time here.
I guess I don’t really have much to add that is of practical use but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in these calculations.
First off, happy birthday, Mike! I hope you have a great day. And, yeah, it makes sense that childless couples of all variety have to face these issues. Brent and I do have families, but they are small and have their own lives to deal with. It’s going to be interesting going forward, that’s for sure.
Ah, I have the same kind of dilemma - and I'm 32 🥹
What I find most unnerving is that whatever “legal requirements” you try to plan around aren’t even guaranteed to remain stable... (see: Portugal and how they recently changed the residency path rules)
Right now, I’m French and a permanent resident in Brazil, but I spend most of my time in Asia. If at any point France or Brazil changes their rules (for taxes, residency, citizenship, or anything else), my long-term plans can suddenly fall apart. But at the same time, we still need to take those rules into account when making life-changing decisions... Arrf.
And now there’s another factor added to the equation: climate change. How are we supposed to make long-term decisions when even the livability of places may change dramatically over just 10 years?
Those are all excellent points and the instability/ability of governments to change rules is something we think about. How could we not when our own country is the worst in tearing up agreements about who is welcome in our country.
And the climate change piece is very real too. I wrote an article about that last year noting that one of the best things about being nomadic was the ability to not be locked into one place.
After more than a decade living full time on Ometepe Island in Nicaragua and visiting over 80 countries across our adult lives, Ron and I have landed on what feels like the perfect answer to the question every senior nomad eventually faces. We are in our 70s now, and we just made the decision to move to Merced, California, near our son Cory and our grandchildren. Cory is buying a house with our down payment and we will live there as his tenants, paying no rent. He builds equity, we have a true home base, and we are close to the family we love. We will continue to travel roughly six months out of the year, just as we did after returning from Nicaragua to our home in Tennessee. For us, this is not a compromise that feels like giving something up. It feels like arriving somewhere exactly right.
The dilemma is real for every serious nomad who ages into their later decades. Full time travel is intoxicating and in many ways it is financially sensible when you subtract the costs of maintaining a property. But as the years accumulate, the weight of perpetual motion changes. Healthcare becomes complicated without established doctors and a stable address. Emergencies, whether health or family, are harder to navigate from a moving base. And there is a quieter cost that sneaks up on you, the absence of deep roots, of neighbors who know your name, of a community that holds you.
The six months on, six months home model threads that needle beautifully, but it works best when you have built the infrastructure for it well before you need it. That means owning or securing a home base before health or finances make the decision for you, cultivating the family relationships that make an arrangement like ours possible, and being honest with yourself about how your needs are shifting. Senior nomads who wait too long to think about this often find themselves making rushed decisions under pressure. The ones who thrive are the ones who planned the landing while they were still happily in the air.
All of this makes a great deal of sense, but you do have one built-in advantage over us and other similar couples — a family around which to build that community. It’s definitely possible for us, but it’s a trickier thing.
The other issue is the matter of timing. Some folks will be hale and hearty into their 80s, so can start building that community later. Others might have health issues in their 60s and need that net in their 60s.
As I note in the article, I’m willing to gamble on waiting longer than Brent. But we’ll figure something out.
I'm 65, getting ready to start my nomad life. Part of the decision to do this was because a friend of mine, who was the same age as me, died suddenly. She was like my twin. We were both massage therapists and swing dancers, and if anything she was fitter than me. One day she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, sat on the floor, and never got up. I was already trying to figure out what my retirement would look like, and that just pushed me to just go out and live my life and figure it out, because tomorrow is not promised. I could see myself starting up some kind of coliving community at some point. I doubt very much I can afford to come back to this country... At least not in an area that I would want to live in. And honestly, I'm not sure I would want to anyway if the politics keep going the way they are. I also kind of feel that by being out of the country, I can give my daughter and granddaughter an escape option if it gets really bad. And honestly, part of my wanderings are to figure out where I might want to spend the rest of my life.
I'm a straight white woman, and even I don't feel safe here so I can't imagine what it's like in your shoes. I certainly would not consider coming back here until we see what happens with this regime. Maybe you could do something in Canada, just over the border? That might be a great place to start a coliving group.
For now, I'm not gonna worry about it. Maybe in 5 years time I'll start to consider what route I need to take. Yhere's so much instability everywhere that I wouldn't want to decide where I'm going to put down roots for a while.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, Pamela. Those reminders that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed can be terribly painful, but I’m glad it’s helped you to decide what to do with the next few years of your life. And I hear you about both the cost of living in the US and the politics.
Pamela, I have had some more thoughts about looking for a home base in another country. And Michael is very right in saying how complicated the requirements can be.
You articulate the problem so, so well. I can only tell you what’s worked for us (68, 74…..our future is a little bit closer than yours). Seven years ago we left a home we’d owned free and clear forever and moved to a small apartment adjacent to an ugly commercial district. As renters, we find it easy to turn the key and walk away for long periods. (Our old house had a septic tank. ‘Nuff said.) Being close to groceries, barbers, a hardware store, some restaurants makes us feel better about perhaps becoming unable to drive in the future. When something breaks, we call the manager. Because our apartment is small and sparsely furnished, we are freed from many social obligations. (Regrettably hahaha we can no longer host the family Xmas party.) It is a “come-down” in the eyes of our relatives, but we feel like a couple of college kids playing house. It’s very freeing. And the best part is, you and Bret have already done the hard part; i.e., divested your hoard. All that’s left is to embrace your inner kid and start walking to the grocery. Find something on a quiet back street near a business district. Not more than a mile away. Get familiar with public transit before you need to.
In 2016, my husband experienced sudden, total vision loss after routine eye surgery. He recovered, but it scared us. These life-altering events don’t send a notice in the mail when your heart attack or broken hip is arriving in thirty days. No matter what you decide, you’re so smart to be thinking about this.
That article is VERY interesting and feels like there's some real wisdom there. As for renting, yeah, that is something that holds a great deal of appeal for me, but less for Brent.
Peg, I like how you’ve decided to live for now. Renting sounds like a good idea, especially if you want to leave for stretches at a time. And never hosting Thanksgiving again, sounds like a win to me.
I have lived as an expat in childhood and throughout my adult life and never felt truly bonded to the U.S., least of all right now. But my arthritic shoulder forced a decision: surgery here or in Mexico, where I have permanent residency. I chose here in Seattle because of Medicare and family and friends. They all have provided me support. I don’t have a partner so I really need them. Now, am I going to stay? At 75, the odds are good. But I may decide to rent in Mexico or British Columbia and come back for long visits! A note about family: you do have your chosen family. They are the ones who will be there for you. Or call on us, your fans! Please keep writing about this. It is an important issue for so many.
Aw, thanks, Mauri! That’s lovely of you to say. And I’m glad you found a place to have your surgery. Medicare is also a factor for us, though still a bit away. Hope you find a way to combine being here with family and still travel as much as you want.
I resonate with this so much Michael. Lisa and I are a few years behind you but not many, and we’ve already discussed this issue. You articulate the complexities so well. Whatever option you choose comes with pros and cons, like so many decisions in life. Our current plan is to eventually land back in Arizona near existing family and friends, and traveling as much as we’re able in decreasing amounts as time passes. Thanks for sharing on this important topic.
Roots are overrated. My family moved at least ten times (that I know of) before I finished high school. I’ve lost count of the number of places I’ve lived since. I’ve lived in my current house for 28 years mostly through inertia - nothing really holds me here anymore since my wife passed almost a dozen years ago.
I’m jealous of you and Brent, but I’m not affluent enough to pull off your lifestyle and I’m way too old and frail for the starving student version.
This post hits home. We are closing on our house in France in 3 weeks if the government ever releases it :) I had never heard the phrase “death destination” but I’ve been telling my husband for a year I wanted to find “a house I could die in” and we finally did on the Cote D’Azur. After a recent return to the U.S. I just can’t imagine ever going back there again. We do have kids and perhaps grandkids some day but I also realize that when my parents were in their “final 12” we lived in another state and only saw them a few times a year. When it comes to having a local support system, I think you are undervaluing the ex-pat communities. We all come from the same tribe and we all know that we are more vulnerable because of the decision to live abroad. I feel comfortable my ex-pat friends would rally for me or my husband as necessary. I do miss my longterm friends from the states, but again, we make an effort to stay connected and that is not always physical presence. If I said “I need you” every single person would be on the next flight. You two have always been heros at taking chances. So this last part is said with love and respect…it sounds from your post like you are trying to rationalize “safer” choices that are less than the best life you’ve always lived. Of course there are practical considerations for all life choices. As an outsider who has followed your public life for several years my big question is “why stop running with scissors now?” The happiest moments I’ve read on your blog have been those situations where you had to really figure it out and prevail. Just sayin!
I do think we could find and create a community of ex-pats that we could rely on. And, if I were on my own, that might very well be what I would do.
But Brent has a very tight circle of friends he has known his entire life and that are very important to him. And he genuinely loves the northwest.
So we have to find a compromise, which could very well end up being a place we eventually buy here as we continue to travel the world.
But there are all sorts of countervailing factors.
Will Trump ever be defeated? What’s going to happen to the U.S. economy? Due to job layoffs in the Seattle area, there is a huge number of homes available for sale. That does not inspire confidence in buying a place. What will happen to Medicare and social security?
All of those could push us to ultimately choose overseas.
Then again, that comes with its own risks. Portugal is suddenly becoming much less keen on expats. If the Trump’s idiotic war wrecks the world economy, what will the attitude toward Americans living abroad become?
Lot’s to consider and I think we will spend a lot of time considering — and waiting to see what happens — before deciding anything.
So until then, I guess we’ll keep running with those scissors!
Hey Thomas, since your thoughtful comments deserve a thoughtful response, I'll have to get back to you on a bit as I'm currently working at the food bank and then going to see the Devil Wears Prada 2. 😁😁😁
Off topic. . . But just saw Devil Wears Prada 2 in a packed theater in Kobe, Japan. It is our experience that hardly anyone laughs in Japanese theaters (we also saw Sheep Detectives). It made us feel, well, VERY American and loud.
Your piece really resonated with so many; some younger and some older, nomads, travelers, and those just wondering what’s next. I’m kind of with Brent on this one. If you can have a small condo in a community that is walkable and offers much of what you love and need, then it seems like you can still travel as much as want until you no longer can. Have you looked in Tacoma? That city has so much to offer and feels smaller than it is.
After losing my husband two years ago, then falling and breaking multiple bones 10 months ago, and now going through chemo (but expecting a full recovery), I’m chomping at the bit to make my remaining life exactly what I want it to be and where I want it to be. Selling a large family home in the Bay Area will make that more of a reality very soon.
First off, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it’s inevitable that someone goes first, but, many, life has some hard times. And then your hip and chemo? Sounds like you are one tough lady!
As for Tacoma, ironically, that’s where Brent grew up and we lived for eight years. Unfortunately, I didn’t take to Tacoma and it’s on my veto list as I simply can’t see myself living there.
Ah well, then that’s a no go. The Proctor area has so many new condos over businesses and yet it still retains that small town, friendly vibe, but when you have a feeling about a place, it’s hard to change that. I’m sure you’ll figure it all out, just as we all are trying to do. I liked the NYTimes article about choosing good enough for now. Finding the best is next to unattainable and leads to inertia.
I do a lot of sums. I'm 70 this year - I survived Sepsis in 2022, so that means I need to catch up, take away 10 = 80 divided by miles to travel multiplied by number of chances to be reunited with my children = NOW is all there is.
There are so many good ideas and experiences shared in these comments. I'm sharing some thoughts here as situations are unique.
I'm about to celebrate my 70th. I look at the number and tilt my head like a puppy expecting a bit of cheese or a command I understand. Nothing is forthcoming except the realization that there is so much wisdom extracted from the years.
By the time I graduated from high school I'd attended 11 different schools. I learned to quickly adapt to new situations and carefully create "community".
I learned that, mostly, "everything turns out fine".
And to ask for help; accept the generosity of strangers. I rarely worry about that which I have no control over, ultimately, almost everything.
I lived a fast paced global life for 25 years, now slowing a bit to enjoy the "unpack once, stay for days" approach.
My risk adverse friends seem envious. However, they have any number of reasons for choosing "safer" paths.
I am not a reckless person. Plan B is important. I'm responsible for my research and choices.
There is good health and longevity in my family, and a legacy of strong independent women. I owe it to them and myself to embrace every second of those gifts.
I have thought a lot about this. We moved in our 40’s to a house that has no stairs and is a half mile walk to stores for shopping and other things. We are now 75 and 83. My wife needs daily assistance on things I am able to do for her. We don’t have children or other family in the area. Our friend support group has had a number of people die or get too disabled to be of assistance. What we have experienced is either our friends die or they go to assisted living. We are aware of the probability that our expenses will be quite higher than they are now. We have saved money for this situation and hope it is enough. Just to give an example. One friend had to move to assisted living and is paying $10,000 a month for a studio unit. Another friend gets home health care that is $10000 a month.
My suggestion is to save money for this situation. It is definitely difficult and not easy!
My guess is that if you can afford living in the U.S. as you age, it will serve as your base allowing a few months of travel each year. Maybe find a city where you won’t need a car. That approach would seem to address the issues you identify.
The trick is finding a place you really don’t need a car. We’re currently in Port Townsend, WA, which is quite lovely. But you still absolutely need a car.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm in my mid-70s, married, retired, and my wife and I are nomads traveling the world. We will likely live longer and healthier lives because we are always traveling, constantly dealing with matters pertaining to living abroad and walk everywhere or take public transportation. Rarely do we take taxis or rent a car. Eventually we will settle somewhere. We are USA residents. We are not sure where we will eventually settle, but I'm thinking and hoping we can continue our nomadic lives for another 10 years.
In about 30 days I will celebrate my 72nd birthday. If I read your blog when I was ready to hit age 60 I might be a bit despondent right now, maybe seeking out a country where they have legal euthanasia. After all, we all WANT control of our lives, so why shouldn’t we be in control of our deaths?
As it is, I am glad to be celebrating #72, primarily because many of my friends I graduated with cannot do that. As a matter of fact, many friends who were much younger—as much as a decade younger—can’t blow out any more candles either. We’ve not been doing this nomad thing for a decade, but just seven years this past February. Some of the things you mention, ie, slowing down, looking for a “final spot,” and such, are conversations I’ve had with my lovely. Who is 18 months, to the day, older than me. We both live in gratitude for the health we DO have and count our good fortune regularly. 43 countries, all continents but one is nothing to sneeze at! But we talk about death, in real terms, occasionally. We carry no health insurance, take care of things as they come, and what we’ve spent is a fraction of what premiums would cost. Our Medicare is there, but a joke, and she has needed a paramedic ride twice, neither of which was fatal, though scary. On a chairlift in Romania we were up towards the top, and one of us said, “you know, if one of us had a heart attack here, we’d be screwed.” Paramedic and insurance be damned; when it’s you/ our/ my time, our ticker will run out.
Last week we had a very real reality check when my BP crashed after a lengthy hike the day before and several days of being dehydrated. I had no idea THEN what happened, but I do now, since we’ve both been digging in (thank you AI), and understand the critical significance of potassium, magnesium, and sodium in keeping our hydration in order. Especially where we are--in Vietnam. She came THIS close to calling for an ambulance, and she went to the Dark Side and thought: heart attack, TIA, or stroke, and “what if?”
What if, indeed.
Some coconut and orange juice, some rest, and later, electrolytes and magnesium got me back on my feet, but I’ve had just one gym workout since then, check my BP several times a day, do a feet elevation thing every afternoon, and even though I’ll not celebrate #72 after a two hour climb at the top of some God forsaken peak, I will celebrate with no fanfare, just a lot of thanks.
So, if you’re looking for a “death spot,” more power to you. We have ZERO plans/ intentions to return to the US, and I have no kids, no parents, and aside from some cousins, no one close to me blood wise. But we have each other. Which one of us “goes” first is in God’s hands, and hopefully the survivor will deal with it in a healthy way. I’m sure you count YOUR blessings that you have each other, as you should. Yes, we have and are slowed down, and plan to stay in Da Nang at least six months, and probably focus on SE Asia as being OUR final resting spot, though I do intend to go to Albania occasionally, since I did love it. Our quickie 2 weeks in Japan next week MAY be our last short time/ long distance jaunt, but we’ll play it by ear.
So any or all of you who may read this, just eat well, get rested, and enjoy each day. When the shit hits the fan, I know (for me) it’ll take me to a kind, gentle place, and the world will rock on without me.
First off I’m glad you recovered so quickly from that incident and that you’ve got someone you love by your side. Secondly, glad you’ve found your pace and places you feel at peace in. Keep traveling (slowly!) safely!
thanks, Michael!
Oh yeah. I’m 72 presently in process of arranging a move to Portugal . If everything unfolds well enough ( not without struggle of course), i should be there by September. I have become accustomed to taking on health concerns, and my friends sometimes call me the bionic woman. i have seen the great miracle of being supported by friends . The reality is that no matter where we are , the matrix does change as we age. For example, I’m single and childless(by choice) and friends around me are often engaged in their own lives in a way very different than how i lead my own . Their lives may be filled with grandchildren activities that take up a space previously open. . Or , our lives get filled up with health appts that are really annoying . Deciding on how i best want to live is a challenge that brings along issues previously unrealized. For e xample, cobblestone and hills are more of consideration than ever before. Some of those issues are simply to be grieved but accepted, and then on to the task of reconfiguring how to keep on engaging . For me, being in the USA has become too painful . The level of aggression, violence, and seeming
escalation of value differences with the government and national culture have taken a toll on my body in a way that leaves little room for joy or peace. Through all of this, i am evermore convinced that the universe generally steps up to support us in ways we can’t always predict .
As for me , I choose to go toward peace, and leave the fight to others who may have more energy or need to prepare for future generations. I’m going to take advantage of other lands who have figured out how to live differently than we do here. A gentler cocoon to surround me . Plus, it’s easier to access travel and variety in places that offer cheaper transportation options. And, as my mother once told me , good friends are everywhere, they’re just in different bodies. I look forward to hearing about your journey.
Love that philosophy and way of looking at things, Linda. Have a great experience in Portugal!
Congratulations, Linda. Portugal!! I absolutely agree about the cobblestones and uneven walks. Some towns in Asia, like Ubud, had horrible streets, and it was SO easy to twist or turn your ankle. And steps? The coffee shops here in Hanoi have almost spiral stairs with steps barely as long as your feet! It would be easy to miss one and unfortunately, all it takes is ONE slip to mess up your plans. A fellow nomad we met a few weeks ago had that very thing happen, twisted her ankle, the day she trained to a new city. I walk very slowly these days and as much as Kat used to chide me to look UP, not down, I watch my feet and where I’m going.
The Universe DOES take care of us—if we listen and allow it. Your decision to do what you’re doing probably did not get approval of all your friends, but so what? It’s your life and not theirs. Many times people poo-poo our lifestyle out of jealousy. They wish they had the chutzpah to do it. As for the rest of your story, I am totally on board.
Please inbox me or call me. I’m planning same move. I’d like to be friends!
Norm, HAPPY 72 when it comes! I sense you are grateful and that to me seems like EVERYTHING. I'm glad you're taking the gamble on old age rather than the 'guarantee' of euthanasia. You have Bravery and/or JOY...and I find it inspiring!
you know, Frank, we don't really have much choice in life. The minutes, days, months, and years pass MUCH faster than we ever thought, until eventually we ask, "where DID the time go?" I think I have more Joy than Brave, but thanks for the vote of confidence!
Kathy, i just saw your message. I’d love to be friends. Can i DM you ? I’m not sure of the route to make that happen.
I am the same age as you, although I am turning 63 tomorrow. My mother was 63 when she died in 1987.
And although our day-to-day lives are quite different, Bill and I are not nomads, I share many of your same concerns.
We moved to Delaware a year ago knowing very few people. We have started to build a community of friends here but most of them are our age or older.
We do not have children, our families are either nonfunctional or spread all over the country. Were we to need an extended community for much of anything, we would be out of luck.
I honestly don’t know what the answer is. I share your concerns about the future of this country. We moved to Delaware precisely because it has been a reliably blue state for many decades and we figured that if rights were going to be eroded, it would take more time here.
I guess I don’t really have much to add that is of practical use but wanted to let you know that you are not alone in these calculations.
First off, happy birthday, Mike! I hope you have a great day. And, yeah, it makes sense that childless couples of all variety have to face these issues. Brent and I do have families, but they are small and have their own lives to deal with. It’s going to be interesting going forward, that’s for sure.
Ah, I have the same kind of dilemma - and I'm 32 🥹
What I find most unnerving is that whatever “legal requirements” you try to plan around aren’t even guaranteed to remain stable... (see: Portugal and how they recently changed the residency path rules)
Right now, I’m French and a permanent resident in Brazil, but I spend most of my time in Asia. If at any point France or Brazil changes their rules (for taxes, residency, citizenship, or anything else), my long-term plans can suddenly fall apart. But at the same time, we still need to take those rules into account when making life-changing decisions... Arrf.
And now there’s another factor added to the equation: climate change. How are we supposed to make long-term decisions when even the livability of places may change dramatically over just 10 years?
Those are all excellent points and the instability/ability of governments to change rules is something we think about. How could we not when our own country is the worst in tearing up agreements about who is welcome in our country.
And the climate change piece is very real too. I wrote an article about that last year noting that one of the best things about being nomadic was the ability to not be locked into one place.
After more than a decade living full time on Ometepe Island in Nicaragua and visiting over 80 countries across our adult lives, Ron and I have landed on what feels like the perfect answer to the question every senior nomad eventually faces. We are in our 70s now, and we just made the decision to move to Merced, California, near our son Cory and our grandchildren. Cory is buying a house with our down payment and we will live there as his tenants, paying no rent. He builds equity, we have a true home base, and we are close to the family we love. We will continue to travel roughly six months out of the year, just as we did after returning from Nicaragua to our home in Tennessee. For us, this is not a compromise that feels like giving something up. It feels like arriving somewhere exactly right.
The dilemma is real for every serious nomad who ages into their later decades. Full time travel is intoxicating and in many ways it is financially sensible when you subtract the costs of maintaining a property. But as the years accumulate, the weight of perpetual motion changes. Healthcare becomes complicated without established doctors and a stable address. Emergencies, whether health or family, are harder to navigate from a moving base. And there is a quieter cost that sneaks up on you, the absence of deep roots, of neighbors who know your name, of a community that holds you.
The six months on, six months home model threads that needle beautifully, but it works best when you have built the infrastructure for it well before you need it. That means owning or securing a home base before health or finances make the decision for you, cultivating the family relationships that make an arrangement like ours possible, and being honest with yourself about how your needs are shifting. Senior nomads who wait too long to think about this often find themselves making rushed decisions under pressure. The ones who thrive are the ones who planned the landing while they were still happily in the air.
All of this makes a great deal of sense, but you do have one built-in advantage over us and other similar couples — a family around which to build that community. It’s definitely possible for us, but it’s a trickier thing.
The other issue is the matter of timing. Some folks will be hale and hearty into their 80s, so can start building that community later. Others might have health issues in their 60s and need that net in their 60s.
As I note in the article, I’m willing to gamble on waiting longer than Brent. But we’ll figure something out.
I'm 65, getting ready to start my nomad life. Part of the decision to do this was because a friend of mine, who was the same age as me, died suddenly. She was like my twin. We were both massage therapists and swing dancers, and if anything she was fitter than me. One day she went to the bathroom in the middle of the night, sat on the floor, and never got up. I was already trying to figure out what my retirement would look like, and that just pushed me to just go out and live my life and figure it out, because tomorrow is not promised. I could see myself starting up some kind of coliving community at some point. I doubt very much I can afford to come back to this country... At least not in an area that I would want to live in. And honestly, I'm not sure I would want to anyway if the politics keep going the way they are. I also kind of feel that by being out of the country, I can give my daughter and granddaughter an escape option if it gets really bad. And honestly, part of my wanderings are to figure out where I might want to spend the rest of my life.
I'm a straight white woman, and even I don't feel safe here so I can't imagine what it's like in your shoes. I certainly would not consider coming back here until we see what happens with this regime. Maybe you could do something in Canada, just over the border? That might be a great place to start a coliving group.
For now, I'm not gonna worry about it. Maybe in 5 years time I'll start to consider what route I need to take. Yhere's so much instability everywhere that I wouldn't want to decide where I'm going to put down roots for a while.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend, Pamela. Those reminders that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed can be terribly painful, but I’m glad it’s helped you to decide what to do with the next few years of your life. And I hear you about both the cost of living in the US and the politics.
Pamela, I have had some more thoughts about looking for a home base in another country. And Michael is very right in saying how complicated the requirements can be.
You articulate the problem so, so well. I can only tell you what’s worked for us (68, 74…..our future is a little bit closer than yours). Seven years ago we left a home we’d owned free and clear forever and moved to a small apartment adjacent to an ugly commercial district. As renters, we find it easy to turn the key and walk away for long periods. (Our old house had a septic tank. ‘Nuff said.) Being close to groceries, barbers, a hardware store, some restaurants makes us feel better about perhaps becoming unable to drive in the future. When something breaks, we call the manager. Because our apartment is small and sparsely furnished, we are freed from many social obligations. (Regrettably hahaha we can no longer host the family Xmas party.) It is a “come-down” in the eyes of our relatives, but we feel like a couple of college kids playing house. It’s very freeing. And the best part is, you and Bret have already done the hard part; i.e., divested your hoard. All that’s left is to embrace your inner kid and start walking to the grocery. Find something on a quiet back street near a business district. Not more than a mile away. Get familiar with public transit before you need to.
In 2016, my husband experienced sudden, total vision loss after routine eye surgery. He recovered, but it scared us. These life-altering events don’t send a notice in the mail when your heart attack or broken hip is arriving in thirty days. No matter what you decide, you’re so smart to be thinking about this.
Related . . . This blew my mind. I’m still chewing it over. A happiness expert says that searching for a “good enough” decision leads to greater happiness than striving to make “the best possible” decision. 🤔. https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/12/opinion/decision-making-herbert-simon.html?unlocked_article_code=1.iFA.XWLZ.3qJu-AfFs8-w&smid=nytcore-ios-share
He says it’s true if you’re choosing an entree, buying a car, choosing a partner.
That article is VERY interesting and feels like there's some real wisdom there. As for renting, yeah, that is something that holds a great deal of appeal for me, but less for Brent.
Whatever you decide to do, you must treat it like a lark. It’s very youthful-inducing to take it all less seriously at this time of life.
Peg, I like how you’ve decided to live for now. Renting sounds like a good idea, especially if you want to leave for stretches at a time. And never hosting Thanksgiving again, sounds like a win to me.
Good article. Thanks for sharing.
I have lived as an expat in childhood and throughout my adult life and never felt truly bonded to the U.S., least of all right now. But my arthritic shoulder forced a decision: surgery here or in Mexico, where I have permanent residency. I chose here in Seattle because of Medicare and family and friends. They all have provided me support. I don’t have a partner so I really need them. Now, am I going to stay? At 75, the odds are good. But I may decide to rent in Mexico or British Columbia and come back for long visits! A note about family: you do have your chosen family. They are the ones who will be there for you. Or call on us, your fans! Please keep writing about this. It is an important issue for so many.
Aw, thanks, Mauri! That’s lovely of you to say. And I’m glad you found a place to have your surgery. Medicare is also a factor for us, though still a bit away. Hope you find a way to combine being here with family and still travel as much as you want.
I resonate with this so much Michael. Lisa and I are a few years behind you but not many, and we’ve already discussed this issue. You articulate the complexities so well. Whatever option you choose comes with pros and cons, like so many decisions in life. Our current plan is to eventually land back in Arizona near existing family and friends, and traveling as much as we’re able in decreasing amounts as time passes. Thanks for sharing on this important topic.
Yeah, most of life is pros and cons that we have to figure out how to balance. Except eating dark chocolate, which is clearly all pros.
I strongly agree on both counts!
Roots are overrated. My family moved at least ten times (that I know of) before I finished high school. I’ve lost count of the number of places I’ve lived since. I’ve lived in my current house for 28 years mostly through inertia - nothing really holds me here anymore since my wife passed almost a dozen years ago.
I’m jealous of you and Brent, but I’m not affluent enough to pull off your lifestyle and I’m way too old and frail for the starving student version.
So sorry for you loss, Mommadillo, and I feel bad that we’re making you feel jealous. I hope there’s also some pleasure in coming along for the ride.
I travel vicariously through you guys.
🥰🥰🥰
This post hits home. We are closing on our house in France in 3 weeks if the government ever releases it :) I had never heard the phrase “death destination” but I’ve been telling my husband for a year I wanted to find “a house I could die in” and we finally did on the Cote D’Azur. After a recent return to the U.S. I just can’t imagine ever going back there again. We do have kids and perhaps grandkids some day but I also realize that when my parents were in their “final 12” we lived in another state and only saw them a few times a year. When it comes to having a local support system, I think you are undervaluing the ex-pat communities. We all come from the same tribe and we all know that we are more vulnerable because of the decision to live abroad. I feel comfortable my ex-pat friends would rally for me or my husband as necessary. I do miss my longterm friends from the states, but again, we make an effort to stay connected and that is not always physical presence. If I said “I need you” every single person would be on the next flight. You two have always been heros at taking chances. So this last part is said with love and respect…it sounds from your post like you are trying to rationalize “safer” choices that are less than the best life you’ve always lived. Of course there are practical considerations for all life choices. As an outsider who has followed your public life for several years my big question is “why stop running with scissors now?” The happiest moments I’ve read on your blog have been those situations where you had to really figure it out and prevail. Just sayin!
Okay, finally have a bit of time to respond!
I do think we could find and create a community of ex-pats that we could rely on. And, if I were on my own, that might very well be what I would do.
But Brent has a very tight circle of friends he has known his entire life and that are very important to him. And he genuinely loves the northwest.
So we have to find a compromise, which could very well end up being a place we eventually buy here as we continue to travel the world.
But there are all sorts of countervailing factors.
Will Trump ever be defeated? What’s going to happen to the U.S. economy? Due to job layoffs in the Seattle area, there is a huge number of homes available for sale. That does not inspire confidence in buying a place. What will happen to Medicare and social security?
All of those could push us to ultimately choose overseas.
Then again, that comes with its own risks. Portugal is suddenly becoming much less keen on expats. If the Trump’s idiotic war wrecks the world economy, what will the attitude toward Americans living abroad become?
Lot’s to consider and I think we will spend a lot of time considering — and waiting to see what happens — before deciding anything.
So until then, I guess we’ll keep running with those scissors!
Hey Thomas, since your thoughtful comments deserve a thoughtful response, I'll have to get back to you on a bit as I'm currently working at the food bank and then going to see the Devil Wears Prada 2. 😁😁😁
Off topic. . . But just saw Devil Wears Prada 2 in a packed theater in Kobe, Japan. It is our experience that hardly anyone laughs in Japanese theaters (we also saw Sheep Detectives). It made us feel, well, VERY American and loud.
Ha! We just saw it here in Port Townsend!
Your piece really resonated with so many; some younger and some older, nomads, travelers, and those just wondering what’s next. I’m kind of with Brent on this one. If you can have a small condo in a community that is walkable and offers much of what you love and need, then it seems like you can still travel as much as want until you no longer can. Have you looked in Tacoma? That city has so much to offer and feels smaller than it is.
After losing my husband two years ago, then falling and breaking multiple bones 10 months ago, and now going through chemo (but expecting a full recovery), I’m chomping at the bit to make my remaining life exactly what I want it to be and where I want it to be. Selling a large family home in the Bay Area will make that more of a reality very soon.
First off, I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. I know it’s inevitable that someone goes first, but, many, life has some hard times. And then your hip and chemo? Sounds like you are one tough lady!
As for Tacoma, ironically, that’s where Brent grew up and we lived for eight years. Unfortunately, I didn’t take to Tacoma and it’s on my veto list as I simply can’t see myself living there.
Ah well, then that’s a no go. The Proctor area has so many new condos over businesses and yet it still retains that small town, friendly vibe, but when you have a feeling about a place, it’s hard to change that. I’m sure you’ll figure it all out, just as we all are trying to do. I liked the NYTimes article about choosing good enough for now. Finding the best is next to unattainable and leads to inertia.
I do a lot of sums. I'm 70 this year - I survived Sepsis in 2022, so that means I need to catch up, take away 10 = 80 divided by miles to travel multiplied by number of chances to be reunited with my children = NOW is all there is.
Sepsis, scary! Glad you came through that all right and are out and about in the world!
There are so many good ideas and experiences shared in these comments. I'm sharing some thoughts here as situations are unique.
I'm about to celebrate my 70th. I look at the number and tilt my head like a puppy expecting a bit of cheese or a command I understand. Nothing is forthcoming except the realization that there is so much wisdom extracted from the years.
By the time I graduated from high school I'd attended 11 different schools. I learned to quickly adapt to new situations and carefully create "community".
I learned that, mostly, "everything turns out fine".
And to ask for help; accept the generosity of strangers. I rarely worry about that which I have no control over, ultimately, almost everything.
I lived a fast paced global life for 25 years, now slowing a bit to enjoy the "unpack once, stay for days" approach.
My risk adverse friends seem envious. However, they have any number of reasons for choosing "safer" paths.
I am not a reckless person. Plan B is important. I'm responsible for my research and choices.
There is good health and longevity in my family, and a legacy of strong independent women. I owe it to them and myself to embrace every second of those gifts.
"Everything mostly turns out fine."
Yup, that's my experience too. Glad you're still out there successfully navigating the world!
I have thought a lot about this. We moved in our 40’s to a house that has no stairs and is a half mile walk to stores for shopping and other things. We are now 75 and 83. My wife needs daily assistance on things I am able to do for her. We don’t have children or other family in the area. Our friend support group has had a number of people die or get too disabled to be of assistance. What we have experienced is either our friends die or they go to assisted living. We are aware of the probability that our expenses will be quite higher than they are now. We have saved money for this situation and hope it is enough. Just to give an example. One friend had to move to assisted living and is paying $10,000 a month for a studio unit. Another friend gets home health care that is $10000 a month.
My suggestion is to save money for this situation. It is definitely difficult and not easy!
Good topic!
Thanks, Ann. There are no easy answers are there.
My guess is that if you can afford living in the U.S. as you age, it will serve as your base allowing a few months of travel each year. Maybe find a city where you won’t need a car. That approach would seem to address the issues you identify.
The trick is finding a place you really don’t need a car. We’re currently in Port Townsend, WA, which is quite lovely. But you still absolutely need a car.
There’s always Mississippi 🙃
No comment!
Portland works pretty well for us while in the U.S.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I'm in my mid-70s, married, retired, and my wife and I are nomads traveling the world. We will likely live longer and healthier lives because we are always traveling, constantly dealing with matters pertaining to living abroad and walk everywhere or take public transportation. Rarely do we take taxis or rent a car. Eventually we will settle somewhere. We are USA residents. We are not sure where we will eventually settle, but I'm thinking and hoping we can continue our nomadic lives for another 10 years.
Another ten years? Color me impressed!