Two comments. First, the minor one: clicking on the Leave a Comment button in the email takes me directly to the 2022 rotisserie post, so you might want to check that. (Has happened before, too.) Secondly, and more importantly: if Brent dies before you, you will still remember the curve of his shoulder and how his hand fits into yours and the way his skin smells and the sound of his voice...so many other senses that are all part of memory.
You know, until you wrote this (and thank you for writing it), I never realised that you could see something like it was a photo with your eyes closed. I also rely on my photographs, I always say “if I don’t take a photo of this, I won’t remember it happened.” This has a name, I’m amazed by that. I have always compensated for poor short term memory, this is why I take verbatim notes at meetings - take lots of photos — I’m very analytical —— this has been a fascinating piece, thank you!!!!
Thank you for sharing. Interestingly, my brother is colourblind, and I think something like 1 in 3 men are. He actually tried a pair of glasses that showed him colour, and he was so upset by it that he stopped wearing them. We all have our own unique understanding of the world, and that special view doesn’t need correcting.
Not sure if the 1-4% is accurate as your commenters are skewed heavily towards aphantasia affected persons. I also discovered I have this just a few months ago. I see nothing. My mind describes what others apparently see to me with words. Dreams are visual vivid and mainly in color. My memory is good but I am absent minded. I am nearly a directional savant in that I have an exceptional orientation ability I was sad when I found out mainly because I couldn’t see faces of loved ones. I don’t consider it a disability Overall I am blessed with a happy nature. Interesting to read about your experiences. Thanks
I get that. It’s only curious to me the likelihood of readers from your followers and friends also limited to Substack users to have such a high incidence I know why I ran across your post - because a friend (who knows I just discovered this condition) liked and reposted. I wonder if the algos are so good they targeted us. Thanks again.
I had the exact same experience; I learned I had Aphantasia about six years ago. Explained so many things. Like my passion for photography (as with you); without those photographs, I can't recall a single detail. Like why I could never remember the chords to a song, as would other members of the band I was playing in. Like why I can't remember people's names. If you haven't found it already, join the Aphantasia Network -- they have a lot of interesting studies going on.
I didn't know the term was so new! I found out about it ages ago because we've had many discussions in my writers' groups (including the old Compuserve Books and Writers Forum) over the years about how differently we all visualise scenes as we write or read. Many of the others had aphantasia and they were brilliant writers ❤️
I have aphantasia too! I learned the term when I read an article about it about 8 years ago. But I have suspected my brain worked differently for much longer. For example, I can never remember my dreams in images. I also find it hard to recognize people I’ve only met once or twice. Anyway, I would be happy to discuss this more, especially with a fellow writer! I don’t see it as a disadvantage at all; I figure our brains usually compensate in other ways (for example, I can summon entire songs from memory).
Hello, fellow aphantasiac! Hmm, wish I could summon entire songs, but I can’t hear music either! LOL. To be clear, the disadvantage for me is that it has caused my memory to be so bad, which I HATE. And, yes, we’ll have to discuss!
At first I read your comment as “aphantastic” which I think I love even more :) I agree, having a poor memory is a pain, and I hadn’t connected it before to having aphantasia but I think you are probably right about that. I use lots of systems to help me remember things, like keeping lists of names I want to remember, but I will definitely consider taking more photos now!
Brent! I can’t picture the apple!! But I can picture photographs well— although it feels like they’re far back in my mind’s eye (like not where they’re supposed to be?). I’m not sure how deeply I wanna think about this. But I may be with you, or somewhere on the scale. It is unsettling.
Interesting! I've never heard it described that way before -- way back in your mind. But it makes sense that it manifests in all kinds of different ways. Because we all have different brains! (BTW, this Michael; not Brent! :-))
This is like the people who don’t have a running commentary in their heads? Like when I think, I actually hear my own voice saying the words in my head, but a couple years ago the internet informed us all that not everyone does this (I clearly can’t remember the term for it). That royally freaked me out, no idea why as I don’t even lack the voice, and apparently the thought of having your voice in your head all the time freaks out some people who don’t! Maybe better to think of all of us as being somewhere along a ton of different mental spectra, so whether aphantasia is a disorder or disability or not, things like this are just part of our human variability and we all have some difference / disorder or other.
Also you’d never forget his face, that’s why you’re a photographer 🙂
Hooray! Aphantasia - I knew from the title of this newsletter, simply because I've been obsessed with it for years. I don't think it's a disability because there are many, many examples of super-competent, super-accomplished people with it, like this guy: https://www.theverge.com/2016/4/25/11501230/blake-ross-cant-visualize-things I think you're just wired differently and that might mean you can unlock insights on things unavailable to the rest of us? But I don't know. Study of it is all too new.
Also - I think I have another condition, called Anendophasia. It's where you don't hear an inner monologue, a "voice" narrating your thoughts. My thoughts are all silent. It's actually rather lovely. But it also makes me hyper-aware of annoying background noise when I'm searching for a bit of quiet! (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/anendophasia)
Hey Mike, I wondered if you'd written about it but when I went back over EIA, I couldn't find anything. Which -- too bad! Because it's right up your alley!
For me, the disability part isn't about not being creative, etc. It's about missing out on some pretty fundamental experiences -- like picturing a loved one's face or being able to relive the past.
I just don't know how to view having such a shitty memory as anything other than a disability. It's like I've been robbed of my past...
I remember doing those weird visual tricks when you wrote about them. But I've yet to get anyone to sit down and stare into my eyes long enough to turn into anything! LOL.
The thing is - you may not be "picturing" things the way us phantasic people do, but you are definitely remembering them. If your memory was 100% reliant on stored visual images, you would have no memories, you couldn't learn to do anything, you'd wake up every morning with no awareness of anything that happened the days, weeks, months etc before, and you'd be like that guy I wrote about whose hippocampus was surgically destroyed, trapping him in a "Memento"-like existence whereall his short-term memories were erased.
But that's not happening in the least! You CAN remember stuff. You can remember all the things we have to remember: the layout of the place you're living in, where your apps are on your phone, all the everyday things. We consult a mental image to do that. Or at least we THINK we do!
So the question for the rest of us is - how the hell can you remember anything, when you can't construct images in your imagination? Can you explain what happens when you recall something? Does the knowledge just kinda land in your thoughts? Can you sit down and think and go hunting for it, and what does that "look" like (ie. not look like, because there's no image!)?
Well, I definitely do remember things like the layout of where I'm living, etc. As for how I remember it without constructing it in my mind, ... I have no idea. Yeah, it's just there. I "think" it. For instance, I know the layout in our current apartment and when I close my eyes, I guess I describe it to myself? I can't see how to walk through it but I can say, "If you go in the bedroom, the drawer is on the right and there's a lamp all of the way over to the left. There's about a foot between it and the bed, so there's room to get by."
Sadly, though, my longterm memory is absolute crap. Brent has to prompt me on soooooo many things that happened a year, five years, twenty years ago because I have no recollection of them.
On the bright side, we're going to Venice again for the first time in 25 years and it will be all new for me!
So what's happening here is that you're constructing a mental map of your surroundings...without images! To the rest of us, that's "I can see the Matrix" levels of woah. :D So - it may be unconventional, but it's doing the job, and maybe if there are gaps in your ability to remember things, it's because you've been taught to remember in a way that fits *our* brains and doesn't fit *yours*! And maybe, someone out there, assisted by the new science on it, is digging into all this, and developing a brain-training method for aphantasics that leans into these skills? I bet it's happening.
That's why I see this stuff as a superpower - it's like learning a new language and gaining a new soul (aka. "a new way of thinking about the world").
Ok I definitely have this and didn't know there was a specific word for it, but the fact that I have it makes perfect sense! My husband is insanely visual and I see something but the moment I look away, I have retained very little of how it looks. Also, I've always been so jealous of creative writers who have insane amounts of gorgeous imagery in their writing. I have some imagery but I can't quite linger on a visual scene. I use a lot more metaphor and description of how things feel/what happened etc. And now I think I know why...
It is a little disorienting, but I also think it's something I've lived with my whole life without realizing it's rare. The most disorienting aspect: closing my eyes and trying to "see" my husband or my sons' faces. I can't! With my eyes open I can almost picture them, but definitely not if close my eyes.
It’s fascinating for sure, but I think there are definitely great writers who have it. Interestingly, readers with aphantasia often skim over descriptions, just wanting the plot!
No, and it never ever occurred to me that other people did! And now I understand why some people get so mad when a book is turned into a movie and the characters don't look like they imagined them!
Two comments. First, the minor one: clicking on the Leave a Comment button in the email takes me directly to the 2022 rotisserie post, so you might want to check that. (Has happened before, too.) Secondly, and more importantly: if Brent dies before you, you will still remember the curve of his shoulder and how his hand fits into yours and the way his skin smells and the sound of his voice...so many other senses that are all part of memory.
Thanks, Anara. Yeah, there's a flipping bug in there somewhere. We've contacted Substack about it, but to no avail...
As for Brent dying before me, here's hoping I don't have to find out for a long long LONG time.
You know, until you wrote this (and thank you for writing it), I never realised that you could see something like it was a photo with your eyes closed. I also rely on my photographs, I always say “if I don’t take a photo of this, I won’t remember it happened.” This has a name, I’m amazed by that. I have always compensated for poor short term memory, this is why I take verbatim notes at meetings - take lots of photos — I’m very analytical —— this has been a fascinating piece, thank you!!!!
Glad you have found it helpful. That makes me happy!
Gosh I think I might have this too. Do you have vivid dreams in color? I don’t. So interesting. Thanks. Explains a lot.
I don't see my dreams at all, not that I dream that much. Or at least I don't remember them. But I definitely don't see them.
"Aphants can be less prone to anxiety, aren’t as haunted by past traumatic events, and can be better analytical thinkers." - sign me up lol
You can take the red pill or the blue pill... LOL LOL
Thank you for sharing. Interestingly, my brother is colourblind, and I think something like 1 in 3 men are. He actually tried a pair of glasses that showed him colour, and he was so upset by it that he stopped wearing them. We all have our own unique understanding of the world, and that special view doesn’t need correcting.
In talking to people, I've compared it to being colorblind and what it might feel like to learn what other people see.I definitely get his reaction.
Not sure if the 1-4% is accurate as your commenters are skewed heavily towards aphantasia affected persons. I also discovered I have this just a few months ago. I see nothing. My mind describes what others apparently see to me with words. Dreams are visual vivid and mainly in color. My memory is good but I am absent minded. I am nearly a directional savant in that I have an exceptional orientation ability I was sad when I found out mainly because I couldn’t see faces of loved ones. I don’t consider it a disability Overall I am blessed with a happy nature. Interesting to read about your experiences. Thanks
That statistic is what the scientific literature shows, so... Glad learning about it hasn't bothered you!
I get that. It’s only curious to me the likelihood of readers from your followers and friends also limited to Substack users to have such a high incidence I know why I ran across your post - because a friend (who knows I just discovered this condition) liked and reposted. I wonder if the algos are so good they targeted us. Thanks again.
Maybe! But keep in mind, we have 12,000 subscribers and it would make sense that folks with aphantasia would be the most likely to respond!
Of course. I didn’t know your numbers! That’s great.
But this morning I have learned one nomad friend and one high school friend have it, so there you go! LOL
How many people with synesthesia do you know? They think everyone else is like them too till they talk about it. So interesting ( at least to me)
I had the exact same experience; I learned I had Aphantasia about six years ago. Explained so many things. Like my passion for photography (as with you); without those photographs, I can't recall a single detail. Like why I could never remember the chords to a song, as would other members of the band I was playing in. Like why I can't remember people's names. If you haven't found it already, join the Aphantasia Network -- they have a lot of interesting studies going on.
Thanks, Rich. I have looked at the Aphantasia Network and it fact just filled out an online study that Exeter University is doing!
I didn't know the term was so new! I found out about it ages ago because we've had many discussions in my writers' groups (including the old Compuserve Books and Writers Forum) over the years about how differently we all visualise scenes as we write or read. Many of the others had aphantasia and they were brilliant writers ❤️
I have aphantasia too! I learned the term when I read an article about it about 8 years ago. But I have suspected my brain worked differently for much longer. For example, I can never remember my dreams in images. I also find it hard to recognize people I’ve only met once or twice. Anyway, I would be happy to discuss this more, especially with a fellow writer! I don’t see it as a disadvantage at all; I figure our brains usually compensate in other ways (for example, I can summon entire songs from memory).
Hello, fellow aphantasiac! Hmm, wish I could summon entire songs, but I can’t hear music either! LOL. To be clear, the disadvantage for me is that it has caused my memory to be so bad, which I HATE. And, yes, we’ll have to discuss!
At first I read your comment as “aphantastic” which I think I love even more :) I agree, having a poor memory is a pain, and I hadn’t connected it before to having aphantasia but I think you are probably right about that. I use lots of systems to help me remember things, like keeping lists of names I want to remember, but I will definitely consider taking more photos now!
Brent! I can’t picture the apple!! But I can picture photographs well— although it feels like they’re far back in my mind’s eye (like not where they’re supposed to be?). I’m not sure how deeply I wanna think about this. But I may be with you, or somewhere on the scale. It is unsettling.
Interesting! I've never heard it described that way before -- way back in your mind. But it makes sense that it manifests in all kinds of different ways. Because we all have different brains! (BTW, this Michael; not Brent! :-))
This is like the people who don’t have a running commentary in their heads? Like when I think, I actually hear my own voice saying the words in my head, but a couple years ago the internet informed us all that not everyone does this (I clearly can’t remember the term for it). That royally freaked me out, no idea why as I don’t even lack the voice, and apparently the thought of having your voice in your head all the time freaks out some people who don’t! Maybe better to think of all of us as being somewhere along a ton of different mental spectra, so whether aphantasia is a disorder or disability or not, things like this are just part of our human variability and we all have some difference / disorder or other.
Also you’d never forget his face, that’s why you’re a photographer 🙂
Hooray! Aphantasia - I knew from the title of this newsletter, simply because I've been obsessed with it for years. I don't think it's a disability because there are many, many examples of super-competent, super-accomplished people with it, like this guy: https://www.theverge.com/2016/4/25/11501230/blake-ross-cant-visualize-things I think you're just wired differently and that might mean you can unlock insights on things unavailable to the rest of us? But I don't know. Study of it is all too new.
One thing I wonder: can you turn yourself into a lion? https://everythingisamazing.substack.com/p/how-to-turn-yourself-into-a-lion Because I'm presuming that relies on being able to create mental images...
Also - I think I have another condition, called Anendophasia. It's where you don't hear an inner monologue, a "voice" narrating your thoughts. My thoughts are all silent. It's actually rather lovely. But it also makes me hyper-aware of annoying background noise when I'm searching for a bit of quiet! (https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/symptoms/anendophasia)
Hey Mike, I wondered if you'd written about it but when I went back over EIA, I couldn't find anything. Which -- too bad! Because it's right up your alley!
For me, the disability part isn't about not being creative, etc. It's about missing out on some pretty fundamental experiences -- like picturing a loved one's face or being able to relive the past.
I just don't know how to view having such a shitty memory as anything other than a disability. It's like I've been robbed of my past...
I remember doing those weird visual tricks when you wrote about them. But I've yet to get anyone to sit down and stare into my eyes long enough to turn into anything! LOL.
The thing is - you may not be "picturing" things the way us phantasic people do, but you are definitely remembering them. If your memory was 100% reliant on stored visual images, you would have no memories, you couldn't learn to do anything, you'd wake up every morning with no awareness of anything that happened the days, weeks, months etc before, and you'd be like that guy I wrote about whose hippocampus was surgically destroyed, trapping him in a "Memento"-like existence whereall his short-term memories were erased.
But that's not happening in the least! You CAN remember stuff. You can remember all the things we have to remember: the layout of the place you're living in, where your apps are on your phone, all the everyday things. We consult a mental image to do that. Or at least we THINK we do!
So the question for the rest of us is - how the hell can you remember anything, when you can't construct images in your imagination? Can you explain what happens when you recall something? Does the knowledge just kinda land in your thoughts? Can you sit down and think and go hunting for it, and what does that "look" like (ie. not look like, because there's no image!)?
Well, I definitely do remember things like the layout of where I'm living, etc. As for how I remember it without constructing it in my mind, ... I have no idea. Yeah, it's just there. I "think" it. For instance, I know the layout in our current apartment and when I close my eyes, I guess I describe it to myself? I can't see how to walk through it but I can say, "If you go in the bedroom, the drawer is on the right and there's a lamp all of the way over to the left. There's about a foot between it and the bed, so there's room to get by."
Sadly, though, my longterm memory is absolute crap. Brent has to prompt me on soooooo many things that happened a year, five years, twenty years ago because I have no recollection of them.
On the bright side, we're going to Venice again for the first time in 25 years and it will be all new for me!
So what's happening here is that you're constructing a mental map of your surroundings...without images! To the rest of us, that's "I can see the Matrix" levels of woah. :D So - it may be unconventional, but it's doing the job, and maybe if there are gaps in your ability to remember things, it's because you've been taught to remember in a way that fits *our* brains and doesn't fit *yours*! And maybe, someone out there, assisted by the new science on it, is digging into all this, and developing a brain-training method for aphantasics that leans into these skills? I bet it's happening.
That's why I see this stuff as a superpower - it's like learning a new language and gaining a new soul (aka. "a new way of thinking about the world").
Ok I definitely have this and didn't know there was a specific word for it, but the fact that I have it makes perfect sense! My husband is insanely visual and I see something but the moment I look away, I have retained very little of how it looks. Also, I've always been so jealous of creative writers who have insane amounts of gorgeous imagery in their writing. I have some imagery but I can't quite linger on a visual scene. I use a lot more metaphor and description of how things feel/what happened etc. And now I think I know why...
It is a little disorienting, but I also think it's something I've lived with my whole life without realizing it's rare. The most disorienting aspect: closing my eyes and trying to "see" my husband or my sons' faces. I can't! With my eyes open I can almost picture them, but definitely not if close my eyes.
It’s fascinating for sure, but I think there are definitely great writers who have it. Interestingly, readers with aphantasia often skim over descriptions, just wanting the plot!
Hahaaaaa I have to stop myself from doing this sometimes.
Fascinating! So, if you are reading a novel you are not “picturing” in your mind the scene the author is writing?
No, and it never ever occurred to me that other people did! And now I understand why some people get so mad when a book is turned into a movie and the characters don't look like they imagined them!
I definitely don’t “see it in my mind” when I read a description. This is fascinating to read the comments!!!
I’m sorry you’re struggling to come to terms with this. It would definitely be a shock to discover that after so many years.
Thanks, Bil.
I’m pretty sure that I also have this condition since I have to look in a mirror to visualize myself.
Huh, I never thought about that! Can you see other people's faces?
only the ones standing behind me with very concerning, puzzled looks carrying strange looking white jackets.