Why Are Breakfast Buffets in American Hotels So Unbelievably Bad?

And what exactly does it say about America?

For the audio version of this article, read by the author, go here.

---

Several months ago, Michael and I instituted a “no more America-bashing” policy for this newsletter. It was partly that we’d said our piece about America — but it was mostly that we didn’t want to contribute to the relentless negativity and pessimism that is currently engulfing the United States. To my mind, at some point this self-defeating and self-centered pessimism about America’s many problems has become one of America’s big problems.

But being briefly back in America, there is one issue on which I cannot remain silent:

Why the hell are breakfast buffets in American hotels so unbelievably bad?

The buffets usually include sticky-sweet muffins and pastries, typically stuffed with preservatives and individually wrapped in plastic; heavily sugared breakfast cereals, even the “healthy” granolas and oatmeals; processed and sweetened juices; and pre-packaged and heavily-sweetened yogurts.

If you’re “lucky,” the buffet will also include hot entrees, like scrambled eggs (obviously made from powdered eggs); deep-fried but warmed-over hashbrowns or weirdly flavorless home-fries; and those DIY waffle stations that have swept American hotels, cranking out “fresh” but ridiculously sweet offerings with even sweeter fake-maple syrup.

Typical American hotel breakfast items. But hey, at least there’s fresh fruit!

This is, of course, all complete and absolute shit — food that somehow tastes terrible while also being terrible for you.

Seriously, how is it possible there is nothing healthy in these buffets, except maybe the bananas and the plain boiled eggs?

All this said, I didn’t used to think much about American breakfast buffets: they were what they were.

Then I started traveling more internationally, and I saw that it doesn’t have to be this way — that it isn’t this way in the vast majority of the world.

In hotels outside of America, breakfast buffets include actual, you know, food: fresh local fruit and (often) salads; a variety of local cheeses; freshly-baked local bread; fresh sausage and eggs; and also usually some wonderful regional breakfast concoction, like khao tom (a spicy rice soup) in Thailand, or menemen (a baked egg-and-tomato dish) in Turkey.

Recent breakfast buffets we’ve eaten at in Turkey, Cambodia, and Thailand.

Outside of America, the food I’ve seen in breakfast buffets has almost always been, yes, fresh, but also utterly delicious. The buffets themselves will range from “decent” to “this-is-blowing-my-mind incredible!”

It has basically never been “unbelievably bad.”

And yes, I’m very aware that most locals don’t eat like tourists do in hotels that cater to “rich” Westerners. But Michael and I don’t usually stay in luxury hotels, and I’ve eaten plenty of other foreign breakfasts too. I’ve lived on street food — including breakfast — for weeks at a time.