What's the Point of a Day at the Beach?
I didn't used to get it. But this article forced me to figure it out.
For the audio version of this article, read by the author, go here.
I’ve never understood the point of a day at the beach. Once you’re too old for sand castles, there’s almost nothing to do.
Here’s a comprehensive list of all the things you can do on a day at the beach:
You can sit in a folding beach-chair, maybe under an umbrella, supposedly reading a book, but mostly talking to whoever you’re sitting with. By the end of the day, you’ve read — what? Two pages, tops?
You can go for a swim.
You can go for a swim, but not because you want to go for a swim, but because you have to pee, and it’s too far to walk to a bathroom.
You can stare contemplatively out at the surf.
You can pretend to stare contemplatively out at the surf, but in actuality, you’re secretly checking out the hot men and/or women in the surf in wet bathing suits.
You can go for a walk with your significant other, and at some point, you’ll walk too close to the crashing surf, and you’ll both get splashed, possibly all the way up to your shorts, but it won’t matter because it’s hot out, so you’ll just laugh and have a sweet little “moment” together.
You can go for a walk by yourself, and at some point, you’ll also walk too close to the surf and get splashed, possibly all the way up to your shorts, but you’ll be alone, so you won’t laugh and you won’t a “moment” — in fact, you’ll be vaguely annoyed that you’ve now got wet shorts — but on the plus side, you’ll be much closer to the hot men and/or women in the surf in wet bathing suits, and they can’t see you checking them out, because you’re wearing dark glasses.
That’s it! These are the only things you can do on a day at the beach!
Hmm, hold on a sec. Rereading this list, I’m realizing that a day at the beach sounds kinda nice.
In fact, it seems frickin’ awesome!
What the hell was I thinking? I should go to the beach way more often than I do!
Well, that’s it — that’s all I have to say about a day at the beach. Wow, what a stupid, pointless article. Anyway, bye!
You’re not leaving.
Uh, well, okay, as long as I have you here, I might as well tell you my favorite memory of a day at the beach.
When I was a boy, whenever my family would go to the beach, my father would play this game with my brother and me where we’d all find sticks, and then we’d run around trying to encircle each other with lines we’d drawn in the sand.
If you did — if you managed to completely encircle another person — he would be trapped until he declared his way out of the trap and drew a picture in the sand of whatever that exit-strategy was.
For example, you could say, “I fly out in a helicopter!” and then you’d have to draw a little helicopter in the sand and pretend to fly out.
Or you could say, “I use a pogo-stick to bounce out!” and then you’d have to draw a little pogo-stick and bounce your way out.
The only rules were that once someone encircled you in the sand, you were stuck until you declared your exit-strategy and you drew it in the sand, and you couldn’t ever use the same strategy twice.
My father died two years ago, and just thinking about this fantastic game he invented for my brother and me — how wonderfully gentle it was, nothing rough or brutal, just something so fun that subtly inspired my brother and me to be creative — makes me cry a little.
I have another sweet memory of my father, but it didn’t happen on a day at the beach. On the other hand, I’ve already totally muffed this article, declaring that a day at the beach is boring but then immediately realizing it’s not, so if there’s anyone still with me, are they really going to hold it against me if I go off-topic here?
Whenever my family would go on a hike, we would get to the point where we were going to turn around, but my dad would always tip-toe a few feet farther and impishly declare, “I went the farthest!”
Then, of course, either my brother or I would scurry a few feet past him and say, “No, I went the farthest!” And then the other one of us would run even farther and say, “No, I went the farthest!”
This would always go on for about fifteen minutes until my mom would smile and roll her eyes and say, “Can we go home now, please?”
My father was an attorney, a distinguished pillar of the community, and the very obvious delight he took in being a father, and also in being the kind of male role-model who wanted to show his sons that being man has nothing whatsoever to do with being an arrogant bully, is making me well up again.
Wow, twice in one column! I’m literally moving myself to tears.
Plus, re-reading this, now I’m thinking maybe I didn’t go off-topic — that maybe I’m illustrating that the reason why a day at the beach is so great is the same reason why almost anything in life is great.
It’s all about connection — to nature and, especially, to other people.
Except not the kind of connections we make on social media because those aren’t real. They seem real, but they’re more like the illusion of connection. Social media gives us what exactly we want but not really what we need. Plus, it can keep you from making actual connections. So stay off your phones, people. Also, don’t do drugs.
Anyway, now I really have come to the end of this article, and whaddaya know? I guess it had a point after all.
The point being that all those connections I’ve had at all my days at the beach made those days pretty damn special — certainly much better than that perennial waste of time, a day at the pool.
Except even as I’m typing this, I’m realizing that I’ve had lots of wonderful experiences at swimming pools too — like how, in high school, I had this fantastic swimming buddy who taught me how incredibly lucky I am to be alive.
Plus, a day at the swimming pool also means more hot men and/or women in wet bathing suits. That’s pretty nice too, don’t you think?
See also…
My Father Just Died. Here’s the Eulogy I Gave at His Funeral
The Incredible Beauty of Unlikely Friendships
I Went on My First Pilgrimage. It Really Did Change My Life.
Brent Hartinger is a screenwriter and author. Check out my new newsletter about my books and movies at www.BrentHartinger.com.
You know when people ask, if you could only have one thing for the rest of your life to eat what would it be, there's just nothing that would keep you satisfied! That's how I feel about the beach after living on Koh Phangan, Thailand for 14 years. Completely agree with all your points.
My condolences on your father's passing. He sounds like a great man.
My all time favorite destination is the beach. I love the sand, surf and sun along with the smell of the ocean. My other favorite thing to do is read which I can do for hours at the beach. Going for walks and hunting for shells is another favorite pastime. I can do all these things alone or with others and can equally enjoy.