What Happens at the End of a Lifetime of Travel?
Am I doomed to end up huddled and alone in a chilly apartment in Tangiers?
For the audio version of this article, read by the author, go here.
Michael and I just started our eighth year of nomading — eight years of continuously traveling the world.
I also recently had one of those birthdays where there are now definitely more years behind me than there are ahead.
This has forced me to ask myself an uncomfortable question: what comes next? What happens toward the end of a lifetime of travel?
I can’t help but be reminded of one of my all-time favorite television shows, the campy 1990s cult classic Xena: Warrior Princess.
No, seriously, this really is one of my favorite shows — and trust me, I’m going somewhere with this.
I especially like that the main character, the heroic warrior-princess Xena, was in a lesbian relationship with her faithful sidekick, Gabrielle, although the show never said this outright. It was all subtext that became more strongly implied the longer the show went on.
Don’t ask. It was the 90s — it made sense at the time.
In Xena: Warrior Princess’ controversial final episode, we learn that Xena must sacrifice her life to save thousands of lost souls — and to also finally make amends for her pre-TV-show evil past.
Don’t ask about this either. It makes sense in the context of the show.
Anyway, after Xena selflessly sacrifices herself, Gabrielle is left to carry on alone in the world. In the show’s great final scene, Gabrielle stands alone on the deck of a ship bound for Ancient Egypt, holding Xena’s ashes. She’s mournful, thinking of Xena, and in narration, she says, “A life of journeying has brought you to the farthest lands, to the very edges of the Earth.”
And then we see Xena’s spirit and/or memory standing at Gabrielle’s side. “And to the place where I'll always remain,” the spirit says to Gabrielle. “Your heart.”
Gabrielle smiles, content.
But then Xena’s spirit fades away for good, and we see that Gabrielle is, in fact, all alone in the world. Her expression becomes more sober but also more resolute.
When I was in my thirties, this ending absolutely slayed me. The show was saying that it was only by Xena’s meeting and loving Gabrielle that she had finally vanquished the evil in her soul. Gabrielle’s lightness had caused Xena’s ultimate triumph over her inner darkness.
And yes, it was very sad that Xena was gone, but she would live on in Gabrielle’s heart!
Twenty-four years later, I see this ending with very different eyes.
Now I think: What happens when Gabrielle gets older? Who’s going to watch out for her? What if she gets sick or develops Early-Onset Alzheimer’s Disease like my mother did in her early 60s? Who’s going to take care of her?
Sure, Xena lives on in Gabrielle’s heart, but that’s not going to do Gabrielle a hell of a lot of good when she needs someone to help her apply for whatever Medicare-like healthcare system they had in the year 20 BC, now is it?
And Ancient Egypt? Is that really the wisest choice, post-Xena? Where will Gabrielle live? How will she stay in touch with her friends back in Ancient Greece?
In case you haven’t caught on, in this scenario, I see myself as Gabrielle and Michael as Xena. Or maybe it’s vice-versa.
Either way, one of us is dead and living on in the other’s heart, but that’s not going to be much help if either one of us misplaces our glasses.
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