I enjoy your writing so much. . . As Ricki Lee Jones sings, “You never know when you’re making a memory.” Your astonishment at deepening a relationship at an experiential level cemented yours. For him, it was just another hike. Such is life.
And, yes. I had friends on the archeological dig at Ozette. A glorious part of the country. I have never forgotten my visit there.
I didn't know that lyric, but I LOVE that song. Shoulda been a hit. (HUGE Ricky Lee Jones fan. Ironically, she got better and better the more she recorded and saw less and less success (if not critical acclaim). She now lives in Olympia, near where I grew up.)
Ozette is so beautiful and rugged! It has never NOT been spectacular. And it is a BITCH to get to, which I think keeps people away.
This lifted my heart and left me feeling a little melancholic. I said to Bill that it’s hard to think that something that could be so meaningful to one person eventually fails to register for the other. In the end, as you say, I guess it doesn’t really matter as we all live in our own versions of reality no matter how close we are to others within our sphere.
And obviously I don't know the people involved, but I guess that any relationship that lasted decades and led to three kids 'worked out' on some level, even if it ended badly. Maybe another example of perception.
Bittersweet, so glad you remember it, what an adventure. Really hard to imagine him forgetting such a challenging, crazy hike. I recently found a birthday present from 45ish years ago. A friend had done a page of lovely watercolor flowers with the kind of “life quotes” that 20-somethings find inspiring. It was accompanied by a very long letter taking about the kind of future she wanted to have. Much more thoughtful than I was at 21! It was sweet and lovely, which is why I kept it so long. Having reconnected with her on Facebook, I sent her photos of the papers, she had no recollection and seemed to think they were silly. Made me wonder what other pieces of our friendship she’d forgotten.
Oh that is somewhat bittersweet too, isn't it? But it's still a lovely memory. And you, unlike me, have proof!
Memory is so strange (and a little scary). The older I get, the more I realize I really have changed (for the better, but who knows? I would think that...)
Whenever I reference something from my childhood when talking to my sisters, one or both will say “that never happened!” I can never quite decide if I’m delusional, they’re forgetful, or as you say, we were just on different paths.
That's a great story. Memory is such a weird thing - maybe Danny's life took different emotional turns and certain memories faded to the background. I often wear jewelry Paul got me, and I remember where each one came from (e.g., pearls from Malaysia) and I'm always surprised that he doesn't remember each one as I do. Yes, same paths, but different paths.
Absolutely! We can never be in another's head (and I'm not sure I would want to be!). Part of what makes life and other people so interesting, I think...
This is a wonderful memory, and inspires me to hike more! I could feel the sense of peace you had in nature with a good friend, especially after the swim and getting to sleep. It is shocking he doesn't remember (especially after recounting) but I know after having kids my brain was robbed of space and some precious memories got pushed out. Thanks for this one ☺️
Loved this. Wish he'd remembered it though... I have friends who remember many experiences and parties from high school. I can't remember any that they talk about, and I was in the middle of many these shared times. I don't feel sad about not remembering mine, but for some reason Danny not remembering yours made me sad. Great read.
When I look at all the inside jokes in my high-school yearbook, I wonder how many people still remember what they all referred to. I still recall most of them, but a couple baffle me.
And my old diaries are full of people I referred to by a single name, obviously sure that future me would always know who that was. Um ... not so much!
I wonder if you've always remembered this story so well because you're a writer, and it really did have all the elements of story ... a goal, a quest, a resolution.
Haha, maybe! I don't THINK I'm embellishing, but maybe my memories more naturally become "stories." I have told that one before. But I know SOMETHING happened, and Danny had zero memory at all.
Love the bittersweet tone of this tale. So true in life. In every relationship there are actually two different relationships going on.... the one that lives in your own head and the one that lives in the other person's head. Anyone who has ever gone to couples therapy will likely recognise this 😂
OMG! I thought the exact same thing... early onset dementia. My Mom started at age 50! She was a farmworker in the 1950's, crop dusters would spray DDT on them. Also exposure to heavy metals play a factor. Check in on him again. xoxo
Haha, I know it sounds like that, but I'm sure that's not it. It was forty years ago! I think we just remember different things because they land differently for each of us. LOL
Memory is so precarious for some of us. I got a message from an old high school friend, someone for whom I was very important in their life during a really tough year. They remembered us as close as siblings or lovers. I could not remember them at all and had to find my yearbook. It’s not that it wasn’t real and critically important at that moment. It’s just that there’s been so much in the intervening years and many memories from 20,30, or 40 years ago have been replaced by others (and probably far too much Google-bred minutiae). You could simply have a better memory than he does.
I really enjoyed this article…..when my children were young we went camping all the time! My husband and younger daughter loved it and my oldest daughter and I hated it! We did climb Mt Monadock in New Hampshire and the view was worth the climb! I would not do it again….i’m sorry Danny didn’t remember that hike and the memorial…..but you will remember it and that’s what counts.
Haha, yes, people either love camping or hate it, don't they? It's the overnight element that most seems to divide people. (And the older I get, the more I want a bed and a bathroom, it's true! LOL)
I enjoyed this thoroughly. I can understand remembering events differently or having alternate views on their significance, but forgetting such a fun yet fruitless adventure as the one you describe is really puzzling. Perhaps your friend was so traumatized by his breakup that he blocked it out.
I hate to even suggest this, but..is it possible Danny may have some mild cognitive impairment?
Haha, no, I don't think so. Just one of those things!
I enjoy your writing so much. . . As Ricki Lee Jones sings, “You never know when you’re making a memory.” Your astonishment at deepening a relationship at an experiential level cemented yours. For him, it was just another hike. Such is life.
And, yes. I had friends on the archeological dig at Ozette. A glorious part of the country. I have never forgotten my visit there.
You never know when you’re making a memory…. Love that!
The lyric struck me when I first heard it years ago.
https://youtu.be/KYAQzDdbR_o?si=mld1M--mJW4WJO4m
I didn't know that lyric, but I LOVE that song. Shoulda been a hit. (HUGE Ricky Lee Jones fan. Ironically, she got better and better the more she recorded and saw less and less success (if not critical acclaim). She now lives in Olympia, near where I grew up.)
Ozette is so beautiful and rugged! It has never NOT been spectacular. And it is a BITCH to get to, which I think keeps people away.
This lifted my heart and left me feeling a little melancholic. I said to Bill that it’s hard to think that something that could be so meaningful to one person eventually fails to register for the other. In the end, as you say, I guess it doesn’t really matter as we all live in our own versions of reality no matter how close we are to others within our sphere.
It is a mystery, isn't it? But I'm sure I've been on the other end too hehe
Similar thoughts and feelings here, Mike.
That's a little sad, but a beautiful story.
And obviously I don't know the people involved, but I guess that any relationship that lasted decades and led to three kids 'worked out' on some level, even if it ended badly. Maybe another example of perception.
That one is...complicated. Not sure they should have married in the first place. But yes, three great kids, so there's that.
And thanks!
Bittersweet, so glad you remember it, what an adventure. Really hard to imagine him forgetting such a challenging, crazy hike. I recently found a birthday present from 45ish years ago. A friend had done a page of lovely watercolor flowers with the kind of “life quotes” that 20-somethings find inspiring. It was accompanied by a very long letter taking about the kind of future she wanted to have. Much more thoughtful than I was at 21! It was sweet and lovely, which is why I kept it so long. Having reconnected with her on Facebook, I sent her photos of the papers, she had no recollection and seemed to think they were silly. Made me wonder what other pieces of our friendship she’d forgotten.
Oh that is somewhat bittersweet too, isn't it? But it's still a lovely memory. And you, unlike me, have proof!
Memory is so strange (and a little scary). The older I get, the more I realize I really have changed (for the better, but who knows? I would think that...)
Whenever I reference something from my childhood when talking to my sisters, one or both will say “that never happened!” I can never quite decide if I’m delusional, they’re forgetful, or as you say, we were just on different paths.
I hear ya. Although I actually love having a brother, because we remember totally different things.
I have the same experience with my two younger sisters. We all remember different things.
That's a great story. Memory is such a weird thing - maybe Danny's life took different emotional turns and certain memories faded to the background. I often wear jewelry Paul got me, and I remember where each one came from (e.g., pearls from Malaysia) and I'm always surprised that he doesn't remember each one as I do. Yes, same paths, but different paths.
Absolutely! We can never be in another's head (and I'm not sure I would want to be!). Part of what makes life and other people so interesting, I think...
This is a wonderful memory, and inspires me to hike more! I could feel the sense of peace you had in nature with a good friend, especially after the swim and getting to sleep. It is shocking he doesn't remember (especially after recounting) but I know after having kids my brain was robbed of space and some precious memories got pushed out. Thanks for this one ☺️
You're welcome.
Hehehe, you could be right about the kids! LOL
Loved this. Wish he'd remembered it though... I have friends who remember many experiences and parties from high school. I can't remember any that they talk about, and I was in the middle of many these shared times. I don't feel sad about not remembering mine, but for some reason Danny not remembering yours made me sad. Great read.
Haha thank you. I know it happened, that's all that matters LOL
When I look at all the inside jokes in my high-school yearbook, I wonder how many people still remember what they all referred to. I still recall most of them, but a couple baffle me.
And my old diaries are full of people I referred to by a single name, obviously sure that future me would always know who that was. Um ... not so much!
I wonder if you've always remembered this story so well because you're a writer, and it really did have all the elements of story ... a goal, a quest, a resolution.
Haha, maybe! I don't THINK I'm embellishing, but maybe my memories more naturally become "stories." I have told that one before. But I know SOMETHING happened, and Danny had zero memory at all.
Love the bittersweet tone of this tale. So true in life. In every relationship there are actually two different relationships going on.... the one that lives in your own head and the one that lives in the other person's head. Anyone who has ever gone to couples therapy will likely recognise this 😂
Thank you! Yes, this is a nice reminder.
Sometimes it's hard to remember there are no "wrong" answers -- it's all perspective. But I'm sure theory is tested in couples' therapy!
(Well, no, Danny is wrong. We DID go on that hike. So there's that...)
Interesting
thank you!
OMG! I thought the exact same thing... early onset dementia. My Mom started at age 50! She was a farmworker in the 1950's, crop dusters would spray DDT on them. Also exposure to heavy metals play a factor. Check in on him again. xoxo
Haha, I know it sounds like that, but I'm sure that's not it. It was forty years ago! I think we just remember different things because they land differently for each of us. LOL
Memory is so precarious for some of us. I got a message from an old high school friend, someone for whom I was very important in their life during a really tough year. They remembered us as close as siblings or lovers. I could not remember them at all and had to find my yearbook. It’s not that it wasn’t real and critically important at that moment. It’s just that there’s been so much in the intervening years and many memories from 20,30, or 40 years ago have been replaced by others (and probably far too much Google-bred minutiae). You could simply have a better memory than he does.
It is a mystery! But I think you may be right.
I really enjoyed this article…..when my children were young we went camping all the time! My husband and younger daughter loved it and my oldest daughter and I hated it! We did climb Mt Monadock in New Hampshire and the view was worth the climb! I would not do it again….i’m sorry Danny didn’t remember that hike and the memorial…..but you will remember it and that’s what counts.
Why thank you!
Haha, yes, people either love camping or hate it, don't they? It's the overnight element that most seems to divide people. (And the older I get, the more I want a bed and a bathroom, it's true! LOL)
I enjoyed this thoroughly. I can understand remembering events differently or having alternate views on their significance, but forgetting such a fun yet fruitless adventure as the one you describe is really puzzling. Perhaps your friend was so traumatized by his breakup that he blocked it out.
Thank you! Yes, that is a possibility. Much of that time has gone into the memory hole for both of them. No judgment here!