DEBATE: Which is Better, Ice Cream in a Cone or Ice Cream in a Cup?

Plus, other Very Important Topics like: Are Americans too friendly? And should weather reports be trusted?

Hi Michael!

In our series of regular newsletter debates, you and I have taken on some fairly serious/important topics: How can a person be happy when the world is melting down? And are Americans making themselves weaker and miserable by trying too hard to eliminate all “risk” from the world?

So now it’s time to get truly serious and take on the most important issue of the day.

Namely: Which is better, ice cream in a cone or ice cream in a cup?

You and I have a fundamental disagreement on this issue. I prefer it in a cone, and you like it in a cup.

First, let’s stipulate that the amount of ice cream is roughly the same amount whether it’s served in a cone or a cup.

So the cup is merely a food delivery system, which is discarded when the ice cream is eaten. Meanwhile, the cone is also a food delivery system, but you get to eat this system along with the ice cream. Which means you get more food! So it’s fundamentally a better value.

It’s also better for the environment, since the cup and spoon are almost always made of environment-destroying plastic, and they’re discarded after only a single use.

And, to repeat myself, you get to eat the cone! I concede that if you want a “waffle cone” in the United States, the vendors always charge an extra fee (which is often exorbitant, just a cheap money-hustle). But even the basic sugar cone can be quite tasty.

(Separate issue: I can’t believe how much ice cream costs in America! In the rest of the world, a single-scoop ice cream cone costs no more than two bucks, maybe three in a really touristy area. In America, it’s always four-plus dollars everywhere, plus tax and maybe even a tip. For one scoop! What is that about?)

Back on the subject of cones, surely even you can see sheer perfection and beauty of the “bubble cones” we’ve seen all over Eastern Europe: a freshly cooked waffle cone, but with “bubbles” in the waffle, not depressions. And bubble cones, unlike insanely priced “waffle” cones, never come with an additional fee.

The utter glory of a bubble cone! Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

One final point. If you’re using a cone, you lick the ice cream, not just delicately spoon it up like a prim debutante. A cone is a much more sensual experience. Come on! Is there anything more romantic than strolling a promenade along the shore on a summer day, licking a crispy cone full of cool, refreshing ice cream?

So after all these years, I’m asking you point-blank: why the hell do you always get your ice cream served in a cup?

Lovingly,

Brent

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Dear Brent:

I don’t understand this term “ice cream” you keep using. Since I’ve now spent enough time in Europe to be classified as a bonafide European, I only know of gelato!, not this inferior other thing to which you refer.

Our disagreement over the cone vs cup comes down to two different things.

Firstly, what is the proper way to consume sugar? As a sane person, I know the correct answer is only in the form of chocolate. Consuming it any other way is simply an abomination in the eyes of god and a waste of sugar calories. Therefore, chocolate gelato! is practically the perfect food.

Secondly, eating my gelato! with a spoon, allows me to savor it rather than just gulping it down. Perhaps you are right about it being very romantic strolling along a promenade while eating your gelato from a cone. (Although you also said it was sensual. So which is it?)

But I would put forth that slowly licking a spoon filled with gelato! is incredibly erotic and guaranteed to drive any man into a frenzy.

I will, however, concede the environmental impact, damn you!

Furthermore, the bubble cones about which you wax so rhapsodically are a scam! Those bubbles — which are filled with nothing but air! — protrude into the interior of the cone thereby reducing the volume of space which can be filled with gelato!

You’re simply being had, my friend.

But now I have a completely different (but still wildly important) issue to debate: Being friendly to strangers.

One of the few Americanisms I’ve been unable to shake while traveling the world is my inherent friendliness. When I’m walking down the street, and I make eye contact with someone for longer than just a second, I think it’s personally acceptable to smile and say, “Hello! How are you today?”

I totally could have made friends with my fellow photographers!

At which point, you either roll your eyes or look as if I’ve committed some faux pas akin to saying, “That color looks hideous on you as your color palette is clearly ‘winter’ and not ‘spring,’ you ignorant, beastly creature.”

Which might be true, but I would never say that because I’m not a complete idiot.

Friendliness is actually one of the things I like about Americans. Being friendly is much more pleasant than the dour, even sour suspicious looks people often give me in Europe. That’s especially true in Eastern Europe where it sometimes feels like people haven’t entirely shaken the paranoia of living in a country that used to be communist, where half the population once spied on the other.

For the record, I’m not talking about sitting down and sharing my life story the instant I meet someone. I’m talking about walking down the street, making eye contact, smiling, and maybe saying hello.

Which I think is way more pleasant than simply giving each other blank looks that could mean anything.

Speaking of which, do you know why people started shaking hands in the first place?

So they could show each other they weren’t concealing a weapon like a knife which they might use to disembowel the other person.

And I think smiling and saying hello is something similar. Honestly, I wish more folks here in Europe did that because some of those older ladies here look like they could cut a bitch.

Ha! This older Romanian lady and I always exchanged greetings when I saw her in the park!

That being said, I recognize that I’m in their country and their way of doing it is the right way. Sort of.

Okay, your turn to explain why your curmudgeonly ways are superior.

Cheerfully!

Michael